Help Is On The Way

I was reading my Bible last night, and came upon a passage in Daniel that reminded me of a rough patch in the past...and gave me hope for the one I am going through currently.

Do you ever fell like your prayers go unanswered? Or that God is for some reason withholding from you? 

There are times that I am dedicated to sincere, heartfelt prayer - and I'm not too vain to say that these times are often concurrent with a rather difficult trial. I want help/answers/relief, and I want it now!

After all, who likes to suffer?

I don't know why sometimes we get our prayers answered as almost as soon as they pass our lips, and sometimes it takes a while. A long while. 

It is not my job to know. Got is omniscient - He is all knowing. I certainly wouldn't want to be in charge of everything. Believe me, I try to handle it, but I quickly find that letting go was easier than holding on. 

So, back to the Daniel story. 

In Daniel chapter 10:10-14, Daniel had a visitor. Earlier in the chapter, to set up the story, Daniel explained in vs. 2-3 that "In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself till three whole weeks were fulfilled."

Daniel was at his lowest low, and he prayed, and fasted, and had great devotion to God. He also was very disciplined! By human standards, one would think his answer and relief would be immediate. 

It wasn't. 

That brings us back to vs. 10-14. Look at this:

10 Suddenly, a hand touched me, which made me tremble on my knees and on the palms of my hands. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you.” While he was speaking this word to me, I stood trembling.

12 Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. 13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia. 14 Now I have come to make you understand what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision refers to many days yet to come.”

Verse 12 is SO KEY! As soon as Daniel humbled humbled himself, his prayers were heard and answered IMMEDIATELY!

There was great spiritual warfare, though, and the forces of heaven joined to reach Daniel and encourage him.

I had a Pastor once tell me the Spiritual realm is much more real than the physical one - we go by the physical one because it's what we can understand with our physical senses. 

 It is so important to press into the Word, and to pray, because it puts our focus back on the Spiritual - we may not understand, but He does, and He will comfort us, assure us, strengthen us, and give us hope. 

If you are not getting immediate answers to your prayers, humble yourself.  

Then, realize there could be a lot going on behind the scenes in your behalf!

LAS

Trust

Trust. 

Anyone who has been betrayed or been let down by people in their lives, especially in a major way such as with infidelity, abuse, or divorce , will flinch at the word trust. 

It is so, SO essential to healing, though. 

There's a moot caveat, though. Your trust must be in God. 

Step one! Are you mad at God? Disappointed at Him? Can't believe where you are or what you are dealing with? 

He says "Trust Me."

Don't for a second get involved with another human being romantically until you have dealt with this issue, because it is so all-encompassing. 

Cry out to Him - or yell at Him...but talk to Him. Just put it all out on the table. 

Search your heart - what do you need to confess? Where are you hurting? Lay it on Him. He can take it. 

Then, if you aren't doing it already, talk to Him daily, and read the Bible.  Don't have a Bible? Email us back. Find the Word and read it. It's alive, it's His loving and living epistle to us. 

Now you've set the ground work for trusting Him. You put the former things aside, you confessed your sins, you opened up. 

It's hard. The reality me though, is this - He has never let you down, He has never forsaken you. Even when we are sinners, He knows the entire path of our life. Nothing surprises Him.

Why am I in this mess, you may ask. He will show you- but you have to have an open heart. 

Often, we don't get the answers we seek.  

Trust Him.

It's another thing you have to apply on your life - like forgiveness. It may be a foreign subject to you. You may have put all your trust in an idea. A person. A family. 

Ultimately, people are people and will let you down - just as you have let others down...even let yourself down. Reference back to forgiveness. 

If you are repentant, humble,many trusting God...that means that no matter what the circumstances are saying, no matter how people are responding to you, no matter what- you trust that He knows. HE cares. He is omnipotent, all powerful, and He will take care of you. 

It's a relationship with God. He wants to hear from us.  He wants to heal us. He wants us to grow, so we can make disciples, and help heal others. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

If we lean on what we know, we are going off past hurts, and what we see and feel. When we trust God with all our hearts, the all knowing, all seeing God takes into consideration all that we don't know. And that's a lot! 

Joshua 1:9 have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be you dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever You go.

Psalms 9:10 and they that know your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken them that seek You. 

Psalms 20:7 some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. 

Proverbs 28:26 he that trusts his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely, He shall be delivered. 

Look up "trust" in a  Bible concordance- there are many, many more verses!

Heading Upstream

I was recently fly fishing in a river out west.  This was my first time fly fishing, and my cousin and I had a guide to show us the way.  It was a beautiful day, and the river was low - we had our waders on, along with the other gear necessary.

As I stepped into the river, I was secluded in a nook, and as long as I stood there, I was fine.  If I stepped outside that little sheltered cove, the river- though low - would start pulling me down.  So I fished there for a while.

After some time, the guide asked if we were willing to ford the river to fish the tributaries on the other side.  I was willing, as was my cousin, and so we went.  We had to go upstream - the guide was on the leading edge, and my cousin was on the other side of me.  We locked arms, and started our careful journey across.

The guide had done it many times before, and knew the dangers in crossing the river.  We held on tighter as we moved into the deeper water, placing our feet carefully and circumspectly as the river rocks were slick and uneven.  As the water deepened to our waist, the force of the river intensified.  Each time I lifted my foot, the river would sweep it back.  It took great concentration to work together to make it across the river. 

Eventually, we were on the other side, all intact, ready for the next adventure.

I didn't have to wait long.

Buoyed by my success at crossing the big river, the guide and I now went to ford the smaller branch.  I boldly took the leading edge, and we crossed arms and began to move across.  Even though this branch of the river was smaller, the waters were still swift and the rocks were still slick.  Overconfident, my foot was not placed on a solid footing, and I found myself slipping.  Laughing, I went into the river - taking the guide with me - and found the back of my waders filling with ice cold mountain water.  We were laughing so hard, it was hard to get back up, but working together, we did manage to get up and move across to the bank. I took my waders off, dumping out at least a gallon of ice cold water, and putting them back on over my drenched feet and legs.  

Heading back as the day ended, I let the guide lead, and I took my time.  Fording the big river, we three crossed slowly and quietly, reminded of the force that could carry us away. 

We are all heading upstream.

If you are a professing Christian, never more has it been more apparent than now that we are in a hostile environment.  Land minds are everywhere, and we have to watch our step.  As a separated or divorced Christian, the world may look alluring - and we do live here, after all. But the Bible says we are to be in the world, but not OF the world. 

John 17:14-15New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴ I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. ¹⁵ I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.

When I was with my guide and my cousin, I was in the river, but not a part of it.  I had my protection, my guide, my family, and we let the guide lead us.  When I tried to do it myself, albeit with the guide behind me, I landed in the river.

It's easy to get into trouble.  I didn't even have to let go of the guide and I still went down into the river.  If I had tried to go by myself, disaster would have surely ensued. 

It's easy to get overconfident in the times that things go well.  But remember 

"1 Peter 5:8New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because^[a] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. "

Let the Word and the Lord be your guide - hold on tight, let Him lead, never let go.  

Stick close to the Body of Christ, the family - let them hold you up, encourage and exhort you, and exhort and encourage one another.

We can make it upstream - but we have to do it together.

LS

Come, Just As You Are...But Don't Stay That Way

There is a term I learned back in my charismatic days of my youth. 

"Greasy Grace"

Basically it's using the grace of God to stay stagnant in your sinful state. The grace of God covers us - but not without a price. 

Grace is often described as God's unmerited favor. We can't do anything to gain it - or lose it. 

This is not an excuse to live like you want. 

Becoming a Christian means striving daily to be more like Christ. 

How do you do this?

Luke 9:23 "Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

Christ carried His cross to Golgotha - and died on it. 

Died for all who would follow Him. Making that initial choice means taking up your cross...and choosing to die. Every day. 

Die to what? Well let me give you the list of what I have to die to daily. At least one, if not several, of the sins listed below. My spirit follows God - but every day there is a battle against the flesh, which looks like this:

The Seven Deadly Sins:

Lust (Matthew 5:28)

Gluttony (Proverbs 15:19)

Greed (Ephesians 4:19)

Laziness (Proverbs 15:19)

Wrath (Proverbs 15:1)

Envy (1 Peter 2:1-2)

Pride (Proverbs 16:18)

Every. Single. Day. 

Yeah, God loves me. But He HATES sin! Sin separates me from God! 

No one talks about sin. It's not PC. 

If you're going to follow Him, you have to deal with it. 

Not anyone else's. It's easy to point at the speck in someone else's eye and ignore the plank in your own. (Matthew 7:1-7)

The closer I get to God, the more my flesh rebels. The more I realize "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked" (Jeremiah 17:9). 

So pardon me while I take my cross up. While I work on me. 

I don't intend to be the same tomorrow. 

One day at a time. Until He brings me home...

LS

Missing The Path

We all headed down the path to matrimony with one goal - the elusive happily ever after. 

It didn't work that way. 

Maybe your spouse strayed off the straight and narrow. 

Maybe you did. 

Now you find yourself lost, alone, adrift. 

Or you've gotten back on track..you're just not sure it's the RIGHT track. 

You know there is hope out there, but how do you find it? Where is it?

Proverbs 14:12 (NKJV) "There is a way that seems right to a man, but it's end is the way of death"

We don't trust ourselves.  We have a hard time trusting others.  

Who CAN you trust? 

Proverbs 3:5-6 has been a favorite of mine for a long time, for it says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Trust. 

In God. Who is Lord of your heart. (Is He?)

With ALL your heart. 

Don't try and figure it out yourself. 

Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways. 

That's a biggie...but the payoff is huge. 

And He will direct your PATHS.  

I know I don't want to go the wrong way again. I know I don't want to go around the mountain again, suffer from a lesson I should've learned. 

So I listen to the stIll small voice. 

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)

Do you know Him? Then His voice is still there....shhhh...still your mind. Get quiet with Him. Cry out to Him. 

He KNOWS you. 

Follow Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the life (John 14:6). 

Tonight on the way home from work, a magnificent sunset was forming. I love photography, and I really wanted to capture the majesty I knew would be right around the corner. 

As I entered my neighborhood, the sun dipped below the horizon. 

Frustrated, I passed my street and headed to the ponds, where I was SURE I was going to get "the" shot, the perfect answer to my quest. 

I rounded the curve, and no brilliant hues were noted. Just grey clouds. I was frustrated. I knew something majestic was there. Disappointed, I went to turn home...then the voice of God said "go straight". 

So I did. Back to the front of the neighborhood.  I was turning to go home, when I looked to the left...and was transfixed!

The waning sun was reflected in the clouds, a wide open palette of pastel pinks and purples, ethereal in appearance. Like nothing I had seen! I hastily parked, jumped out of the car, and praised God! It wasn't the direction I thought it was going to come from. It wasn't what I expected. It surpassed my expectations!

In the few moments I stood in awe, another amazing scene was setting up behind me. 

I turned to go back to the car, and the second picture came into glorious view. I was surrounded by beauty - different in its manifestation, but awesome in its own way. 

I almost turned back. I thought I had missed it. 

Do you think you have missed the mark?

Gotten so far afield there is no finding the Light?

Seek ye first the kingdom of God - and HIS righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33). 

Never give up.

He will never give up on you. 

LS

Weighing In On Porn Addiction - And The Duggars: A Victim's Tale

Warning: I'm getting very vulnerable. I do it to help another churched victim... Hopefully more than one. 

A previous suitor of mine was a porn addict.  And a predator. 

Upstanding in the community, handsome, had a great job,was respected by his peers, and a leader in church. He knew the Bible front to back. 

He found me at a vulnerable point in my life. He could spy a victim a mile away. He wooed me. Kept boundaries. Followed timing. Said the right things. 

We got engaged. 

He raped me. 

Yeah, I should have dumped the psychopath then, but my Christian guilt held me. I was naive. I prayed for help.

We married. Soon, it degraded into mental and emotional abuse. Physical abuse that had me throwing him in jail. Physical abuse to the boys that I found out about later. 

The goal for him was not me, though. It was my toddler daughter. He used me to get to her. 

I was going to a family centered non-denominational church. I would tell them my concerns and participated in marital counseling. I was told to submit to my husband. My concerns were not heard - NO one believed me. 

I was once divorced and didn't want to be divorced again.

Once I found out he was physically abusing the boys, and had worse plans for my daughter, I left. Immediately. 

So here's my take on the Duggar situation. 

There is definitely a misogynistic bend to to some churches. I didn't have any self esteem, but I did love God and I wanted a church family. 

I've seen a lot of evil done in the name of God. 

It's not God's fault - it is sinful humanity. 

I believe in forgiveness - but I also believe in prosecution. 

I don't believe a child molester can get better. I think they need to be away from children. They break kids. Who then will have a lifetime of scars. 

I know the culture of church submission. To submit is to willingly give your power over. 

Or is it?

If you are weak emotionally, if you don't esteem yourself, if you don't know your power, how can you willingly give it? You can't. 

I found out from the next girl, who was on the chain as soon as I fled, that she, too, was raped. We wept as we told each other our all too similar stories. 

I forgive the psychopath daily. I do not forget. 

Unfortunately, he is not in prison. 

He belongs there. 

And so does Josh Duggar, in my opinion. Getting therapy, but doing time. The wife should run and not look back - I did. But my dad had my back. And I had a career. I had an escape. 

She may have the money to flee, but will she?

It's a bad situation. 

It's time to shine the light on evil that church covers up. 

Only then will it be properly - and legally - addressed. 

LA

Pressing On

This morning I was out in the sweltering heat, working on my goal ;) of walking/run training.  There is a LOT on my plate right now, and it is about all I can to to squeek out a "help me" prayer.  

 

Today it was broiling hot at 0730, high humidity. I was exhausted from lack of sleep.  AND the kicker - I also am dealing with shingles, just as painful as everyone says.

 

I needed to follow through. I want to be disciplined and steadfast.  Unfortunately, this also corrosponds to loooooongsuffering.  

 

(Sidebar - you need to hear Robert Lloyd speak on longsuffering).

 

So as I struggled up and down the hills of my 5 mile run/walk that turned into a walk, I was turning over these situations in my head.  Situations that have lasted way longer than I thought they would.  Knowing I am standing on the Word of God, knowing I have heard from Him, over and over, even today - that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.  

 

And yet...I am suffering.  In so many areas. I asked God why. 

 

His answer?  "Daughter, this is not your home."

 

Of course I want resolution. Of course I want peace and harmony and order!! But it may not happen this side of heaven.

 

Who wants to suffer? No one.  

 

Welcome to the planet.

 

John 16:33New Life Version (NLV)

³³ I have told you these things so you may have peace in Me. In the world you will have much trouble. But take hope! I have power over the world!” 

1. You will have peace...IN HIM.  The secret to peace is In Christ alone.  It's the only way to have peace.

2. YOU WILL HAVE MUCH TROUBLE. Not if you are a bad person. Not unless you follow step a-d and are a good person.  There will be much trouble, period.  Before, after, during your separation and divorce.  And the rest of your life.

3. TAKE HOPE!  Take hope because Christ has power over the world!

No matter what your situation, realize that everyone is either going into something, in the midde of something, or coming out of something.

 

Cling to Him, and His Word.

 

He will see you through.

Imprisoned by Circumstance

My husband and I were doing our nightly Bible reading and this passage literally JUMPED out at me. I knew the Lord had a message for us from this. 

Acts 16:16-24 (NKJV)

Paul and Silas Imprisoned

16Now it happened, as we went to prayer, that a certain slave girl possessed with a spirit of divination met us, who brought her masters much profit by fortune-telling. This girl followed Paul and  us, and cried out, saying, "These men are the servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to us the way of salvation." And this she did for many days.

But Paul, greatly annoyed, turned and said to the spirit, "I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her." And he came out that very hour.  But when her masters saw that their hope of profit was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the marketplace to the authorities.

And they brought them to the magistrates, and said, "These men, being Jews, exceedingly trouble our city; and they teach customs which are not lawful for us, being Romans, to receive or observe." Then the multitude rose up together against them; and the magistrates tore off their clothes and commanded them to be beaten with rods. And when they had laid many stripes on them, they threw them into prison, commanding the jailer to keep them securely.  Having received such a charge, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.

Paul and Silas were out doing what they do - serve the Lord.  They were being hassled by a possessed girl.  They did what God called them to do - got the evil spirit to leave the girl.  The local yocal that owned her didn't believe in God and didn't appreciate their service to the girl.  

So they were beaten for doing what they were called to do.  Then they were put in the inner prison.

According to www.mpumc.org, this kind of prison was "dug out of solid rock and were underground.  Prisoners, their guards, and their provisions were lowered through an opening the size of a manhole.  This manhole was the only means of entrance and exit.  Rain and debris from the market and from the animals easily dropped into this "house of darkness".  Neither animal waste nor that of the prisoners found it's way out easily."

I don't know all your individual stories- but I know at one time you were doing what you thought you were supposed to be doing in life.  Suddenly you are thrust into these circumstances.  Regardless of the reason for the situation or the separation or divorce, I think we can agree that it is a dark place, indeed.  We are shackled - by litigation, by poverty, by laws, by our obligations, by sin,  etc. etc. etc. 

Those who don't know God will point the finger and harass you.  You are a Christian - why are you getting divorced? Why are you divorced?  Etc. On the inside, we ask ourselves the same thing.  We are in a dark place, and we don't want to be there.

BUT GOD...

Let's continue with Acts Chapter 16 (NKJV)

23

But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone's chains were loosed.  And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself.  But Paul called with a loud voice, saying "Do yourself no harm, for we are all here."

Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"

So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household." Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house.  And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes.  And immediately he and all his family were baptized.  Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.

That's a lot to chew on.

First off, despite being in a hole in the ground, filled with excrement, dark and dank - they were not complaining.  They were singing hymns.  Singing - in their dark, smelly, shackled condition. HELLO!  Boy does that convict me. I'm not afraid to say I've been guilty of stinkin' thinkin', not praise.

There was seemingly NO way out.  By mans estimation, there WAS no way out!! Then GOD!  They could not predict what was going to happen - and SUDDENLY there was the earthquake, doors opened, chains were loosed.  I'm sure no one predicted that happening...except Paul and Silas, perhaps.

PAUL and SILAS were so critical: in the midst of the mess, they praised God.  Then, once they were released, they cried out to the jailer and saved his life!  Both physically and spiritually. Then the jailer brought the good news to his family - and who know who else!

There are people desperate in your life - desperate to know God, desperate for Hope, desperate for the smallest kindness.  YES - you are in a dark, dank, smelly, seemingly hopeless place.

BUT GOD!

God sees you in that place.  AND He sees those around you.  Do you?   Do you realize that, even in the place of confusion and sadness and despair, there are those in your life that are looking to you.  Your children.  Your family.  Your friends.  People that you have a "random" interaction with.

The bottom line is this - God sees all, and He knows what to do.  We need to trust Him - and praise Him, keeping our eyes on Him, even in our despair.  

And then ask  Him how, even in this lowly state, we can serve Him by being a servant to those around us.

Have a blessed week...I challenge you to think on and study this passage.  Let the Lord speak to you...wherever you are!

Infrastructure

INFRASTRUCTURE
(noun) The basic physical and organziational structures and facilities
(e.g., buildings, roads, and power supplies) needed for the operation
of a society or interprise.


"The infrastructure problem is huge - and it's growing.  The American
Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE) estimates that the nation faces a
$2.2 trillion infrastructure backlog.  One of every eight bridges is
"structurally deficient", and 85 perecnt of public transit systems are
struggling to carry the growing number of riders.  As ASCE President
Blaine D Leonard puts it, "We are still driving on Eisenhower's roads
and sending our kids to Roosevelt's schools."

I first started thinking about this subject after the recent tragic
train crash in Pennsylvania.   If you don't take care of the roads,
the bridges, the buildings, they will break down eventually.  A lot of
the roads and bridges were never meant to carry the load that they
have going across them each and every day.

I'm not trying to get you to stay in your house in fear!  Instead, I
want to talk about a different infrastructure.

When you get married, you build something together - a new life.  You
take the raw material of two lives, and you begin to forge ahead into
the future.  You make plans - blueprints of where you want your life
to go.  You add kids, a home.  Pets.

All of these things you must take care of - guarding your heart,
protecting your children, caring for your pets.  Your house.  Your
yard.  You make repairs as they are needed.

Then comes the separation or divorce.  There may have been cracks in
the infrastructure, insidious as termites eating the foundation of
your home.

Or it may have come out of the blue...or so it seems.  Because the
most important infrastructure is in YOU.

We are spirits that have a body.  We have minds, will, and emotions.
What is on the inside of us?  Are we just a deck of cards, ready to be
blown over by the slightest breeze? Are we made of straw, or sticks,
like the fairy tale, ready to be blown down?

We can't go back and heal the deficiencies that were in our
infrastructure prior to our separation or divorce.  BUT...we can
identify what we need to do to heal, repair, strenghten, and continue
on the road set before us.

The first thing is the foundation - you must have a good, solid
foundation under your home.  Matthew 7:24 says "Therefore, whoever
hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise
man who built his house on the rock."

A strong foundation is primary.  A relationship with our loving God -
trusting Him.  That may be difficult right now.  You need to wipe the
slate clean - clear off the site of the old destruction and pain, and
let him set you on the Rock.  Then you can start building on that
foundation by reading the Word, praying, fellowshiping with other
Christian's.

The next step is to grow - a solid infrastructure doesn't just sit
there.  It has to change with time and tide.

John 15:5 says "I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in
Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is
withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they
are burned. If you abide in Me, and in My words abide in you, you will
ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father
is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."

When a home is not lived in, after a while the environment will take
over.  It is the same with our relationship with God - we need to
purpose to live in Him, and He in us.  It's a symbiotic relationship.
We glow closer to Him - He draws nearer to us.  We seek His help and
strength - He is our foundation and makes strong our inner being.

And our home!

How's your infrastructure?

Father's Day

I have agonized over this posting, and the Lord is gently guiding me.  So I am asking each one of you, male and female, to prayerfully consider this letter from a humble former divorced single mom.

First of all, we all got on this planet because of a mother and a father.  I don't know what your relationship is with your biological father, but if you have a good relationship - thanks be to God. If not so much, then ask God to heal your relationship if possible, and to heal your heart if not.  It's a foundational thing. 

What we think of our fathers- our relationship with our fathers - often will shape how we think of God.  Did you have a stern disciplinarian for a father?  Then you may have a view of God as the God of thunder and lightning and wrath.  Did you have a loving, nurturing relationship with your dad?  You probably have an easier time thinking of God as a loving father.  Absent father?  Then you really don't know what to think - and you may wonder how God could let you grow up without a father.

You can't solve the issues with your dad or lack thereof today- I am just asking you to pray about it.  God IS a loving God and He wants you healed, and whole.

Now I will talk to the fathers.  Thank you.  Thank you for being a part of your kids lives.  Thank you for loving them.  And trust me - they need you SO MUCH.  More than you will ever know.  They are looking to you for love, affection, attention, affirmation, example...etc.  

Some of you have more time with your kids than your ex.  Regardless of how much time you have - MAKE THE MOST OF IT.  I don't mean Disney Dad it (though y'all know I love Disney!).  I mean BE there when you are with them.  They may look like they are ignoring you  - they are not.  Play ball.  Have game night - yes, this still really works!  Read the Bible with them. Go for walks. Take them to the library.  Regardless of the status of your relationship with their mother, YOU are the head.  You set the tone of their upbringing - especially if you are the one trying to pick up your cross and work out your salvation daily.  YES they may see and experience things that you don't want them to when they are not with you - you have no control over that.  What you have control over is your time with them - make memories!  Cook dinner with them, even if it's a blue box of mac and cheese and hot dogs.  Take them to the beach.  Cuddle with them.  BE PRESENT.  Tell them you love them.  Every.  Single.  Day.  You may not have been raised this way - but trust me, you can learn a new habit, and your kids need to know that you are ROCK SOLID.  Give them a space that is theirs, that won't change.  Give them security - and you do that by being consistent.  

You are SO SO important.  Regardless of the status of your relationship with their mother, they need YOU.  You are shaping their future with every action - intentional or unintentional.  So live intentionally!

Now, mom's.  Some of you are able to amicably shuffle the kids back and forth.  Some don't see the ex at all, or the ex has disappeared.  Or died.  Same basic message - you are important.  They need  a mom.  Your kids need nurturing, love, stability, consistency.

And they need you not to badmouth their father. 

It's beyond not saying things TO them - don't say things AROUND them.  Talking to your friends at the ball game.  Talking on the phone in your room, you may not think they can hear you.  They can.  

My kids have a deadbeat dad who avoided paying child support, and thus any contact with his kids, for almost 20 years.  What did I tell them? I told them that he loved them as best he could.  That he was hurting and that is why he wasn't around - it wasn't their fault.  As time went on and they got older, the truth became apparent.  

That's the thing - you cannot badmouth the ex.  They are loyal to mom.  They are loyal to dad.  No matter how horrible, wrong, deserting, selfish, etc they are, the kids will think the best of their parents.  Don't burst their bubble. Life will come along soon enough.

So tell your kids that their absent father loves them.  And then tell them that their Father in Heaven loves them, and He is there for them, every day, no matter what.  Help them see God as Someone that loves them unconditionally.  Help set that foundation.  Help redeem the name of Father for them.  

I pray for you all today - that our gracious Heavenly Father will bring peace and hope to you today. 

Quicker To Judge

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. It's been a challenge with two families, but we are very much in love, and we are constantly shoring up and protecting our marriage- the most important relationship apart from our relationship with God. 

What I don't understand is how quick to judge and how long the grudge is from some friends and family. I understood hard feelings at the beginning- we have both been in other marriages and relationships.  It takes time to adjust. 

We've been together 8 1/2 years now - if you know us, if you love us, isn't it past time to support us? Especially from the Christian camp. Both of us had cheating spouses - do we not at least get credit for love and faithfulness to each other? God is for our marriage - I don't understand those who are against it. 

Both of us have been marginalized, ignored, slandered, and written off. Without getting facts from us, many have run with fictional stories, not truth, and blocked us. 

With first marriages, I don't think this happens as much. Remarriage for some reason leads to harsher judgement. 

Bottom line:we are going to live the rest of our lives together, serving God and loving one another. We thank God every day for healing the hurts of past relationships AND giving us another chance to love, and be loved. 

It sure would be great to have the support of our families and friends. (Of note: his parents have been wonderful, loving, accepting and a true blessing.)

Thank you new friends and church family for your love and support. 

As to the doubters or worse...examine the plank on your eye before you try and take the speck out of ours. A little forgiveness goes a long way. And we miss you. 

LS

The Battlefield

I went for a run/walk the other day. It was a hot and humid late afternoon, but there was a good breeze that would come by and cool me off just when I started whining about the heat.

As I rounded the last corner and headed home, I noticed that I had an amazing view.  To my right, the approaching sunset.  To my left, the near full moon was rising, in anticipation for it's debut in the night sky.

I realized I had choices on how to think about it.

On the one hand, it was the end of the day.  Here are the two trains of thought that went through my mind as a walked down the road. As I looked at the sunset, here were my thoughts:

 

*Positive - I made it through another day!              Negative: I'm so glad this day is over.

                 What a sunset - thank you Lord!                           Ugh.  I have to work tomorrow.

                 I got out and exercised! Woot!                              I can't believe I only ran 2 miles!

                 I did a total of 5 miles! High Five!                          I don't want to go home.  Too stressful.

 

Then I looked over to the other side, where the moon was rising.  My divergent train of thought went like this:

 

*Positive -  Look at that moon! It's going to be a beautiful night!               Negative:  I hope I sleep tonight.  Another fitful night ahead.

                  I can't wait to do my Bible reading and relax before bed.                         I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. 

                  I still have time to journal!!                                                                        I haven't journaled in days.  I suck.

 

All of these thoughts went through my brain at some point.  The facts were these: there was a sun setting, and a moon rising. The rest?  Well the rest was all in the battle field of my mind.

 

The Bible has a lot to say about our mind.  That IS where the battle truly occurs.  Sure, there are a lot of things going on in your life right now - that's a FACT - but what you choose to think about is where the victory lies.

 

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJ) says this : "...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..."

 

Philippians exorts us in chapter 4 verse 8  that "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

 

Stinkin' thinkin' is MUCH easier than purposefully thinking on what Philippians instructs us to.

 

It's never more important to work on what you are thinking about than WHEN you are going through trials.  Our human nature is to get sour and bitter.  And frankly, when you are dealt a bad hand, there is that righteous anger. You're going to be mad, frustrated, upset, grieving, incredulous - and on and on.

 

Don't camp there.  

 

The way you get out of it is with your thoughts!!

 

When you are stuck in a negative thinking rut, ask God to help you out.  Don't keep rocking in that stinkin' thinkin'. 

 

Pray for His help.  Get out your Bible and find a verse or two (or more!!) that you can stand on.

 

CHOOSE to see the good.  Yeah, it was a crappy thing that happened that day this week.  But I CHOSE to thank God for the beauty of the sunset, the grandeur of the moon rise.  I CHOSE to breathe in the intoxicating nectar of confederate jasmine, and I beheld the beautiful lilies bursting forth in orange and yellow blooms all along my path.  I CHOSE to thank God for the five miles I walked/ran - and thanked Him for the ability to do it.

 

There are two paths.  Which one you go down in  your mind will determine your countenence, your attitude,  your peace.

 

Which way will YOU choose?

 

 

Anger

Anger.  

If there is any emotion you can associate with separation or divorce, anger would be one of the first emotions that comes to mind. 

Anger is an emotion a lot of people have a hard time accepting in their lives - hey, if you are a nice person, you don't get angry. Right?

Wrong. 

We all have emotions, and anger is one of them. 

Then people think anger is a sin. What it actually says in Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) is this: " Be angry, and do not sin". It doesn't say don't be angry. 

Emotions are part of who we are. We are allowed to feel them. Where we get in trouble is when we camp out in that place. Feel the anger - but don't let it control you. 

What do you do, then? In the heat of the moment, if you can, just walk away. Take a breather. Take five. 

If you can't get away, then take five seconds to hold your peace. Think on this:

In the heat of anger, the first thing to come to mind probably won't fit those "Think" criteria. 

Come up with a plan. If faced with a situation that is going to make you boil over and say something you may regret, find a way not to talk. Dont worry about looking like an idiot. 

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt" Abraham Lincoln

I am having a particularly trying week. Wednesday I got a manicure, and I painted my pinkie yellow. Bright, caution yellow. Because I glance at it during angry boil up, and I pause. I think on one of my favorite verses, found in James 1:19 

19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 

It's normal to feel angry. Just find a way to deal with it in a healthy way - for your sake. 

In A Fog

Today I opened the garage door as usual at 0420 to begin my 62 mile commute to work. It's a drive I make every week, full time, and I have made this trek since 2006.  I think if I let my car go, it would drive itself there.

As I got on the interstate, my Jetta was soon enveloped in a thick, smothering fog. I got off of cruise control and slowed to a safer highway fog speed, and gripped the wheel with both hands, becoming extra alert, tense, looking for any hazards that might be in my very limited visual field.

Although I know the path well, suddenly I was disoriented.  I squinted to see the mile markers, looking for a sign that I was where I should be on the commute.  There were no street lamps to light the way, and I knew the next lights would not be until my exit.  The fog pressed agains my windows, and my headlights sliced through the grey vapor, sending it off in streams over and around me.

My senses were heightened. I was uneasy, though - even though I had been down this road before, this was an experience that had to be handled today.  In the moment.  It appeared without warning, and it could just as easily dissapate quickly.

Eventually a dim light appeared in the near distance, and I relaxed a little.  It was amazing how much that little hint of yellow light at the top of the hill gave me comfort.  For a minute, I knew where I was, and I knew there was a way out of the darkness.

Divorce is a lot like that.

One day you are just cruising along, and then suddenly, the air is sucked out of the room.  Everything is changed.  In a moment.  Or maybe it was over a period of time.

Once you start the journey of separation or divorce, though, then you are on the foggy path.  The way things were done before are not the same.  The landscape of your life is no longer something that is familiar to you.

You become anxious, sensitive, looking for direction or hope.  You cling to anything that looks familiar to you, that makes sense.  Your mind becomes foggy with lack of sleep, anxiety, emotion - the whirlwind of situations, legalities, and emotions that rushes over you.

In the mean time you careen down a road that you didn't expect to be on, and you can't see where it ends.

There is a light - there is a hope.  It's so important to surround yourself with safe people that care about you.  Family, friends, church family.  The divorce recovery program is so vital and effective because there is someone who has been down the road, knows it well, and knows that there is an exit off of it.  Knows that the fog will lift when the Son appears.

Know that we are praying for you.  Know that God loves you - and He wants you to trust Him.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr said "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

The first step is toward God.  Telling Him everything.  Crying out to Him.  Giving your life to Him...and trusting that He will put you back on the right path.

The sun WILL come up again...

LLS

Awkward Transitions

Mother's Day Weekend...

It is a loaded weekend for those who are separated, divorced, or somewhere in between.  Major holidays always change when family dynamics change.  What to do?  You need to reframe it. Start new traditions, and find a way to handle it in the healthiest way you can.

Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday because I have a very difficult relationship with my mother. Every year, I spend a long time trying to find a card that will show my appreciation for her giving birth to me, but not a card that is all mushy and lovey - because that is not our relationship.  Mother's Day will remind people of mother's they have lost, or relationships that are strained, or even relationships that are broken.  For those who have not had children, either by choice or through the agony of infertility, Mother's Day is a bitter day.  I take this day to thank God for my blessings, and pray for mothers.

How do you handle it with your children?  We would take the kids when they were small to the store and they would pick out a card for their mother - sometimes even buying a small gift.  That way the ex wife still gets honored by the children.  The BEST thing you can do for your children is not to bad-mouth the ex.  It's more than not saying things to them - don't say things about the ex within earshot, either.  Everyone needs to vent, and there are times you will need to phone a friend, or talk to legal counsel, etc - but do it FAR away from the kids, or when they are not home.  That kid zoned out in front of the TV will hear everything you are saying, and even if what you are saying is true, it will be harmful for the children to hear it.  

If Mother's Day falls on your visitation day, a nice olive branch to put out there is to let the kids at least spend some time with their mother.  It really doesn't matter if she is not mother of the year, she IS their mom.  If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't be here.  Be grateful for that, if nothing else.  

This Mother's Day, pray for the lost mothers - the ones who have chosen a path that is leading them away from God.  Pray for them to find the Lord - because only God can change a person's character, and make us the best parents we can be.  Pray for them because their influence is major in the lives of the children - and subsequently your life as well.  

And pray for them because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.  God has been merciful - so merciful! - with us.  Not because of anything we have done - or not done.  When you pray for those who have hurt you, it reminds you that you, too, need forgiveness.  It keeps you humble.  

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version (NIV)

Love for Enemies

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Forgiveness is the key that frees you.  Prayer is very instrumental in helping soften your heart towards forgiving.  

It's not easy.  But, with God's help, you can slowly start to see the mother's in your life as God sees them. 

*Spring iris bloom in Idaho - sent to my sons grandfather in honor of Sharon, his wife- a woman who was a mother to me for most of my life. Every year these bulbs bloom, her favorite flower, in tribute.