The Battlefield

I went for a run/walk the other day. It was a hot and humid late afternoon, but there was a good breeze that would come by and cool me off just when I started whining about the heat.

As I rounded the last corner and headed home, I noticed that I had an amazing view.  To my right, the approaching sunset.  To my left, the near full moon was rising, in anticipation for it's debut in the night sky.

I realized I had choices on how to think about it.

On the one hand, it was the end of the day.  Here are the two trains of thought that went through my mind as a walked down the road. As I looked at the sunset, here were my thoughts:

 

*Positive - I made it through another day!              Negative: I'm so glad this day is over.

                 What a sunset - thank you Lord!                           Ugh.  I have to work tomorrow.

                 I got out and exercised! Woot!                              I can't believe I only ran 2 miles!

                 I did a total of 5 miles! High Five!                          I don't want to go home.  Too stressful.

 

Then I looked over to the other side, where the moon was rising.  My divergent train of thought went like this:

 

*Positive -  Look at that moon! It's going to be a beautiful night!               Negative:  I hope I sleep tonight.  Another fitful night ahead.

                  I can't wait to do my Bible reading and relax before bed.                         I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. 

                  I still have time to journal!!                                                                        I haven't journaled in days.  I suck.

 

All of these thoughts went through my brain at some point.  The facts were these: there was a sun setting, and a moon rising. The rest?  Well the rest was all in the battle field of my mind.

 

The Bible has a lot to say about our mind.  That IS where the battle truly occurs.  Sure, there are a lot of things going on in your life right now - that's a FACT - but what you choose to think about is where the victory lies.

 

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJ) says this : "...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..."

 

Philippians exorts us in chapter 4 verse 8  that "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

 

Stinkin' thinkin' is MUCH easier than purposefully thinking on what Philippians instructs us to.

 

It's never more important to work on what you are thinking about than WHEN you are going through trials.  Our human nature is to get sour and bitter.  And frankly, when you are dealt a bad hand, there is that righteous anger. You're going to be mad, frustrated, upset, grieving, incredulous - and on and on.

 

Don't camp there.  

 

The way you get out of it is with your thoughts!!

 

When you are stuck in a negative thinking rut, ask God to help you out.  Don't keep rocking in that stinkin' thinkin'. 

 

Pray for His help.  Get out your Bible and find a verse or two (or more!!) that you can stand on.

 

CHOOSE to see the good.  Yeah, it was a crappy thing that happened that day this week.  But I CHOSE to thank God for the beauty of the sunset, the grandeur of the moon rise.  I CHOSE to breathe in the intoxicating nectar of confederate jasmine, and I beheld the beautiful lilies bursting forth in orange and yellow blooms all along my path.  I CHOSE to thank God for the five miles I walked/ran - and thanked Him for the ability to do it.

 

There are two paths.  Which one you go down in  your mind will determine your countenence, your attitude,  your peace.

 

Which way will YOU choose?

 

 

Anger

Anger.  

If there is any emotion you can associate with separation or divorce, anger would be one of the first emotions that comes to mind. 

Anger is an emotion a lot of people have a hard time accepting in their lives - hey, if you are a nice person, you don't get angry. Right?

Wrong. 

We all have emotions, and anger is one of them. 

Then people think anger is a sin. What it actually says in Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) is this: " Be angry, and do not sin". It doesn't say don't be angry. 

Emotions are part of who we are. We are allowed to feel them. Where we get in trouble is when we camp out in that place. Feel the anger - but don't let it control you. 

What do you do, then? In the heat of the moment, if you can, just walk away. Take a breather. Take five. 

If you can't get away, then take five seconds to hold your peace. Think on this:

In the heat of anger, the first thing to come to mind probably won't fit those "Think" criteria. 

Come up with a plan. If faced with a situation that is going to make you boil over and say something you may regret, find a way not to talk. Dont worry about looking like an idiot. 

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt" Abraham Lincoln

I am having a particularly trying week. Wednesday I got a manicure, and I painted my pinkie yellow. Bright, caution yellow. Because I glance at it during angry boil up, and I pause. I think on one of my favorite verses, found in James 1:19 

19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 

It's normal to feel angry. Just find a way to deal with it in a healthy way - for your sake. 

In A Fog

Today I opened the garage door as usual at 0420 to begin my 62 mile commute to work. It's a drive I make every week, full time, and I have made this trek since 2006.  I think if I let my car go, it would drive itself there.

As I got on the interstate, my Jetta was soon enveloped in a thick, smothering fog. I got off of cruise control and slowed to a safer highway fog speed, and gripped the wheel with both hands, becoming extra alert, tense, looking for any hazards that might be in my very limited visual field.

Although I know the path well, suddenly I was disoriented.  I squinted to see the mile markers, looking for a sign that I was where I should be on the commute.  There were no street lamps to light the way, and I knew the next lights would not be until my exit.  The fog pressed agains my windows, and my headlights sliced through the grey vapor, sending it off in streams over and around me.

My senses were heightened. I was uneasy, though - even though I had been down this road before, this was an experience that had to be handled today.  In the moment.  It appeared without warning, and it could just as easily dissapate quickly.

Eventually a dim light appeared in the near distance, and I relaxed a little.  It was amazing how much that little hint of yellow light at the top of the hill gave me comfort.  For a minute, I knew where I was, and I knew there was a way out of the darkness.

Divorce is a lot like that.

One day you are just cruising along, and then suddenly, the air is sucked out of the room.  Everything is changed.  In a moment.  Or maybe it was over a period of time.

Once you start the journey of separation or divorce, though, then you are on the foggy path.  The way things were done before are not the same.  The landscape of your life is no longer something that is familiar to you.

You become anxious, sensitive, looking for direction or hope.  You cling to anything that looks familiar to you, that makes sense.  Your mind becomes foggy with lack of sleep, anxiety, emotion - the whirlwind of situations, legalities, and emotions that rushes over you.

In the mean time you careen down a road that you didn't expect to be on, and you can't see where it ends.

There is a light - there is a hope.  It's so important to surround yourself with safe people that care about you.  Family, friends, church family.  The divorce recovery program is so vital and effective because there is someone who has been down the road, knows it well, and knows that there is an exit off of it.  Knows that the fog will lift when the Son appears.

Know that we are praying for you.  Know that God loves you - and He wants you to trust Him.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr said "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

The first step is toward God.  Telling Him everything.  Crying out to Him.  Giving your life to Him...and trusting that He will put you back on the right path.

The sun WILL come up again...

LLS

Awkward Transitions

Mother's Day Weekend...

It is a loaded weekend for those who are separated, divorced, or somewhere in between.  Major holidays always change when family dynamics change.  What to do?  You need to reframe it. Start new traditions, and find a way to handle it in the healthiest way you can.

Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday because I have a very difficult relationship with my mother. Every year, I spend a long time trying to find a card that will show my appreciation for her giving birth to me, but not a card that is all mushy and lovey - because that is not our relationship.  Mother's Day will remind people of mother's they have lost, or relationships that are strained, or even relationships that are broken.  For those who have not had children, either by choice or through the agony of infertility, Mother's Day is a bitter day.  I take this day to thank God for my blessings, and pray for mothers.

How do you handle it with your children?  We would take the kids when they were small to the store and they would pick out a card for their mother - sometimes even buying a small gift.  That way the ex wife still gets honored by the children.  The BEST thing you can do for your children is not to bad-mouth the ex.  It's more than not saying things to them - don't say things about the ex within earshot, either.  Everyone needs to vent, and there are times you will need to phone a friend, or talk to legal counsel, etc - but do it FAR away from the kids, or when they are not home.  That kid zoned out in front of the TV will hear everything you are saying, and even if what you are saying is true, it will be harmful for the children to hear it.  

If Mother's Day falls on your visitation day, a nice olive branch to put out there is to let the kids at least spend some time with their mother.  It really doesn't matter if she is not mother of the year, she IS their mom.  If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't be here.  Be grateful for that, if nothing else.  

This Mother's Day, pray for the lost mothers - the ones who have chosen a path that is leading them away from God.  Pray for them to find the Lord - because only God can change a person's character, and make us the best parents we can be.  Pray for them because their influence is major in the lives of the children - and subsequently your life as well.  

And pray for them because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.  God has been merciful - so merciful! - with us.  Not because of anything we have done - or not done.  When you pray for those who have hurt you, it reminds you that you, too, need forgiveness.  It keeps you humble.  

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version (NIV)

Love for Enemies

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Forgiveness is the key that frees you.  Prayer is very instrumental in helping soften your heart towards forgiving.  

It's not easy.  But, with God's help, you can slowly start to see the mother's in your life as God sees them. 

*Spring iris bloom in Idaho - sent to my sons grandfather in honor of Sharon, his wife- a woman who was a mother to me for most of my life. Every year these bulbs bloom, her favorite flower, in tribute. 

Write it Out

What do you do with all your angst?  Now don't tell me you don't have any - or if you don't, DO TELL ME how you do that.  

 

For the rest of us, we can - and should- pray.  It's hard to pray when you are down, or when you are overwhelmed.

 

An alternative way to talk to God, and to get it out ,is to write it out.

 

Journaling - I have to admit that I was a really good journaler for a long time.  Every day I would write.  Lately, I have been working on my two blogs and my newsletter and, well, the journaling has fallen by the wayside.  That has not been a good thing.

 

There are things you need to say.  They may not be nice things - but that's okay!  The paper is no harm, no fowl.  You don't have to get a fancy journal like the one pictured - a regular notepad or legal pad will do.  Just keep in mind it is for your eyes only - keep it in a safe spot, and pour your heart out.

 

You'll be amazed how cathartic it is - really!  You might be saying you don't have time to journal - I am saying it is worth making time to do.

 

I know when I peek into my old journals, sometimes I have to shout hallelujah when I see how far I have come, and the the work God has done in me.  I write prayers in my journals,and I can see the prayers He has answered.  

 

Sometimes you just want to cuss your ex out - well, write out your hurt and angry feelings.  It will get them off your chest instead of bottling them up, where they cause tension and can lead to more stress, which can lead to more illness.  So let 'er rip, as they say.  And then breathe.  And then pray.

 

God can handle it - He wants to hear from us, in whatever form we choose to communicate with Him.  Sometimes it's just hard to talk to Him.  Times like that, the journaling is a balm to the weary, hurting heart.

 

So I challenge you this week to get a journal and start writing, if you haven't already.  You can see my journal is blank - I am going to start writing.  Hold me accountable!

 

I also hope you are doing something positive for yourself - are you going for walks?  Are you getting out and doing things in nature?  Are you taking care of yourself?

At The Heart of the Matter

Well, I wait on Him to give me the subject for the newsletter - and boy did He hit me this time.

 

In the front of my house, there is a dogwood tree - I have loved the tree since I moved in in June of 2008. The tree has been here since The hubby and the kids moved in several years earlier.  It is right in front of the porch, and every spring it would be the first to curl out fresh green leaves, right before it began its horizontal show of bright white flowers.  It brought many smiles - I loved sitting on the porch, under the growing shade of the tree, watching the birds.

 

Over the past couple of years, I noticed a subtle change.  I realized not as many branches were carrying leaves in the spring, and each year, there were less flowers.  It was slow at first, but by this year, I knew there was a problem.  The trunk and branches crackled bare, only a few leaves came out, and not a single flower.

 

The tree was dying.

 

It wasn't a sudden thing.  I didn't wake up to branches on the ground - as a matter of fact, this very tree weathered the ice storm this year, providing a beautful lace pattern of icicles shimmering in the sun.

 

Yet it was dying, all the same. I hoped it wouldn't.  I looked on hopefully, watching and waiting for a late bloom, perhaps.  No, it was not to be.  The life cycle of the tree had ended, and only a few leaves clung bravely on.

 

My spouse cut the tree down this afternoon.  As he did, it revealed the picture attached -one half of the tree was rotten to the core, from the trunk to the roots.  The other side was becoming sick due to its attachment to the sick trunk.

 

From the outside, the tree looked strong - but once we got it cut open, we got to the heart of the matter.  And there was no saving it.

 

Beloved brothers and sisters, it is this way when a marriage dies.  It isn't a sudden thing - it may seem so when you find out about an infidelity, or when you are battered that one last time, or when youself commit an indiscretion.

 

The rot starts on the inside - the insidious, damaging, eventually marriage killer called sin.

 

One of my favorite verses comes from Psalms 1:3 

 

     "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf shall not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper"

 

The LIVING WATER is the Word of God!  If we keep our mind on Him and on the things of God, we are less likely to fall victim to the temptations of the world.

 

Another reference in Psalms is 52:8

 

     "But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever."

 

When we abide in Him, we are healthy, and protected, and whole.

 

One of the hardest things about divorce - at the time - is the seemingly sudden nature of it.  

 

But it isn't sudden at all.

 

Most sin isn't .

 

People don't wake up one day and decide to destroy their marriage.  Usually it starts with little compromises.  A work conversation with a member of the opposite sex that God will check you on, but you ignore it and do it anyway.  Going out with the girls, or the guys, and heading into places you know you shouldn't go...but going in anyways.  Spending more time at the club then at the church.  Etc etc etc.  Little by little, our heart is moved away from God, and toward the world.  We may look like we have it all together on the outside, but the inside is...rotten.

 

Look at the first part of that Psalm I started with ... Psalm 1:1-3 so you can see it in context:

 

     "How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.  He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water.  Which yields it's fruit in season. And it's leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers."

 

Recognizing the rot, the illness, the sin - that is the first step to reconciliation, the healing, to recovery.  If the partner with the rotten core does not change, it will kill the marriage. The remaining spouse has to cut off the sick parts and move forward.  It took a chainsaw to separate that tree.  Don't think that it won't hurt when you separate what God joined together.  

 

There is no shade in the front yard now - just a rotting stump. But we are going to let time soften it and bring healing to that place, and we will plant a new tree,and we will water it and let it flourish in the sun.  

 

Let time soften you.  Plant His Word firmly in your heart.  Water yourself with the Word and flourish in the Son of God, who wants to heal you and grow you.

Freedom

 

Freedom is on my mind today.  What does it mean to be free?  There is a Phillips, Craig and Dean song that I love called "This Is How It Feels to Be Free".  Here's the Link:

 

http://youtube/Stwy45iitiY

 

There are different responses for separation and divorce.

 

For all, you are tearing apart bonds that the Lord was a part of - for  He always is a part of marriage, even if you were not saved at the time.  God ordains marriage.  Once you are 'hitched', He is for it.  His heart is for families.

 

But as we all know, marriages fail. People separate.  One party decides to move on.  Or both do.

 

Those who want the marriage to live on suffer the most...initially.  Eventually, though, there is reaping to be done for the path of sinful behaviors that are inflicted upon one another.

 

Wow.  That's a heavy, right?

 

But God...

 

God is the way to freedom.  First and foremost, when you give your heart to Him, He frees you from the bonds of sin and death.  Hallelujah!

 

For the divorced, there are other freedoms that can come as a result of a divorce.

 

Freedom from abuse sometimes.  Freedom from unhealthy habits.  Freedom from loneliness - for being lonely in a marriage is a lonely thing, indeed.

 

One of the hardest things to admit to yourself when  you are divorced is this....once you get down the road a bit, you may find yourself relieved to be free to do what you want.  Free to worship God without being mocked.  Free to go places and do things without asking permission.  Free to be the authentic you - to DISCOVER the authentic you.

 

Immediately the Christian guilt will kick in.  But face it - some of  us are coming out of miserable marriages.  We gave it our all - but it was miserable.  The spouse moved on, there is pain...but there is also freedom.

 

Freedom has a lot to do with another "f" word - FORGIVENESS.  True freedom comes when we forgive our spouse,forgive those who hurt us, forgive ourselves - and sometimes forgive God.  It is a process...one step at a time.  One day at a time.  Sometimes one hour at a time.  

 

Matthew 6:14New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴ “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

It's hard.  HARD.  Hard to forgive people - ESPECIALLY when they are purposely hurting you.

As Joyce Meyers says "Hurting people hurt people."  Indeed they do!  

It's HARD to forgive people who hurt you without a backward glance.

There is no "unless" in that verse, though.  "Forgive them...unless they are a sociopath".  "Forgive them...unless they meant to do it".  Etc.  

Nope, it's forgive them.  

Forgive yourself.  How do  you do that?  Well you have to examine yourself.  When hard feelings come up, look at why.  And ask forgiveness.  When you are upset, you can be angry - but don't sin!  Forgive.  

THEN you will have FREEDOM!  Every time you forgive, you break the chain of bondage to hurt and pain and betrayal.

There is hope, dear ones.  

You CAN be free.  

John 8:36 says this:

Therefore if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed!

He has set you free! 

 Now walk in it!

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

We are really on a weather roller coaster, aren't we?  As for me, I
like cold weather at Christmas time.  It makes it feel more like
Christmas to me - since I grew up in mostly colder climates for my
childhood Christmas memories.  I'm of the "It's Beginning To Look A
Lot Like Christmas" mindset - and that doesn't involve 70 degrees and
palm trees!
As I was driving in to work today, I noticed an abundance of birds
flocking overhead.  Tiny sparrows that whirled in clouds, larger game
birds flying in the typical "v" pattern, and a raucous blue jay
outside my building complaining - probably because he flew south for
the winter, and today it's pretty chilly.
It reminded me of a true story from my young, broke, single mom days.
My errant husband was off having his alternate life, and I was home in
my country house with two small kids and one on the way.  It was
Sunday, and I was getting ready for church.
As I walked into my little farmhouse kitchen, a bird flew by - in the
house!  I was startled, to say the least.  The little sparrow landed
on the wall - clinging to the old wall paper, curled in a little ball.
 I slowly walked over, cupped it in my hands, and walked it outside,
where it flew off.  It never pecked me, pooped on me- in retrospect, I
believe it was God-sent.
I was having a very discouraging day.  As I sent the bird to flight, I
gathered the boys, and piled into the broken down old car.  It was one
of many cars I went through over those lean years.  I turned the key -
nothing.  I mean NOTHING.  It didn't even crank.  I looked at the
boys, and I prayed out loud that the Lord would heal my car - and I
turned the key again, and it immediately fired up, and off to church
we went.
As we went to church, I was still feeling down, but that all changed
when the soloist came up and sang "His Eye Is On The Sparrow".
It broke down my walls, broke down my defenses.  I realized that the
Lord knew all I was going through - after all, if he cared for the
little birds, then surely he could care for me.
He cares for you - nothing is taking Him by surprise.  You may be
discouraged, you may be feeling defeated or down during this time of
year.  But know this ...He knows every hair on your head, and He loves
you so much, and He is with you!
And make a pledge to yourself to do something active for 30 minutes a
day.  I know the weather has been crazy - I have been walking up
stairs at work . You can find a way - even if you break it down into
3,10 minute sessions.  You WILL feel better, I promise.
I leave you today not with a picture, but with the lyrics to that song
that put things into perspective for me all those years ago...and
again today!

"His Eye Is On The Sparrow"

Why should I be discouraged and why should the shadows fall?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion, my constant Friend is He,
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free;
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled; these tender words I hear;
And resting on his goodness I lose my doubts and fears;
For by the path He leadeth but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free;
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted; whenever clouds arise;
When songs give place to sighing; when hope within me dies;
I draw the closer to Him; from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free;
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me...

Down, But Not Out

It's been a rough couple of weeks.  I was really hit hard from a couple of sides.  A head cold
turned into asthmatic bronchitis, allergic rhinitis - and then I was
diagnosed with the flu!  Well 2 weeks and 7 lbs down later, I am
slowly moving and vertical again.  It has been a rough couple of weeks! 

I will try and have different activities coming up on future
emails so that you have no excuse - I don't want you all sitting in
your house staring at the TV or the computer.  You need to get out
there and get involved in something.  The enemy loves to isolate us -
then he makes us weaker, and makes us doubt ourselves.
I want to talk to you today about music - I am a worship leader, just
on temporary hiatus, but for me, music has been a HUGE part of my
life.  And truth be told, music is a huge part of the Word of God -
references to Worship are everywhere.  In fact, in 2 Chronicles
chapter 20 describes how the choir and worshippers were sent out in
advance of the battle - and the battle was won before a sword was
lifted!!
"Where the mind goes, the man follows"...Joyce Meyers.  I don't know
about you, but when something happens that triggers a memory, or if
the ex is being the ex, I get frustrated and my mind will start going
down a couple rabbit trails it doesn't need to go down.  Music gets me
back on track.
Right now I am in a BATTLE at work.  It is pure, unadulterated
spiritual warfare - and it has been going on for 98 days now.  I'm
tired.  My attitude isn't always pitch perfect, trust me.  But I put
my lil earbud in my ear and listen to some good Christian music, and
my attitude changes, and the very atmosphere changes.
I don't know how involved you are in Christian music, but I highly
recommend that you are mindful of what you watch and listen to.  I
myself listen to Christian music 99% of the time - out of choice,
because I want to keep my mind on Him.  This time of year of course I
am also listening to Christmas music (I know!  I know!!) There is a
lot of great music out there.  If you don't have any, or much, listen
to 95.7, KLOVE, or 91.7 - the church's station.  Listen to Christian
channels on iheart or Pandora online. Listen to the Christian music
channels on cable TV.
 I was in my new cubicle for about a week with no music and I was
sour.  Once I got the music in my ear, everything turned around.
We have a new Worship leader in Jon Tyner, and there is a fresh Spirit
moving in Olive.  If you attend elsewhere, take time to really sing
unto Him - make a joyful noise, even if you can't sing.  Move out of
your comfort zone!!  "1 Timothy 2:8 I will therefore that men pray
every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting." There
is freedom in giving it all up to God.  Raising your hands in prayer,
praise, and worship.  Keep doing the same things, get the same
results.  Do something new...and come with expectation!!
So my challenge to you this week is to explore some Christian music -
find something you like, and start listening to it.  Instead of
watching mindless stuff on TV, spend some time in the Word - read it.
You may not have a revelation, but read it anyway - read it outloud.
Start in the Psalms.  The way I started years ago was to read a Psalm
and a Proverb a day - there are coincidentally 31 Proverbs.  Perfect!
Fall is winding down, the days are getting shorter.  Get out there in
the fresh air and get a 30 minute walk a day.  Take care of yourself.
Don't let yourself get caught up in the drag of old memories, regrets,
and loneliness.  God is for you - you just need to talk to Him, and He
is there!
Have a good week!
Today's photo I took in my friend's back yard a few years back...God's
splendor.  Get out there and enjoy our beautiful scenery!I don't want you all sitting in
your house staring at the TV or the computer.  You need to get out
there and get involved in something.  The enemy loves to isolate us -
then he makes us weaker, and makes us doubt ourselves.
I want to talk to you today about music - I am a worship leader, just
on temporary hiatus, but for me, music has been a HUGE part of my
life.  And truth be told, music is a huge part of the Word of God -
references to Worship are everywhere.  In fact, in 2 Chronicles
chapter 20 describes how the choir and worshippers were sent out in
advance of the battle - and the battle was won before a sword was
lifted!!
"Where the mind goes, the man follows"...Joyce Meyers.  I don't know
about you, but when something happens that triggers a memory, or if
the ex is being the ex, I get frustrated and my mind will start going
down a couple rabbit trails it doesn't need to go down.  Music gets me
back on track.
Right now I am in a BATTLE at work.  It is pure, unadulterated
spiritual warfare - and it has been going on for 98 days now.  I'm
tired.  My attitude isn't always pitch perfect, trust me.  But I put
my lil earbud in my ear and listen to some good Christian music, and
my attitude changes, and the very atmosphere changes.
I don't know how involved you are in Christian music, but I highly
recommend that you are mindful of what you watch and listen to.  I
myself listen to Christian music 99% of the time - out of choice,
because I want to keep my mind on Him.  This time of year of course I
am also listening to Christmas music (I know!  I know!!) There is a
lot of great music out there.  If you don't have any, or much, listen
to 95.7, KLOVE, or 91.7 - the church's station.  Listen to Christian
channels on iheart or Pandora online. Listen to the Christian music
channels on cable TV.
 I was in my new cubicle for about a week with no music and I was
sour.  Once I got the music in my ear, everything turned around.

What goes in comes out! Garbage in garbage out! Be careful!

Different Kinds of Happy

Happiness...what can you do to attain it? Is there just one kind of happiness? 

Find some activities to participate in - if you are connected to a connection group, you will be 'in the know' as to what is going  at your local group.  If you don't attend here, find a way to get out and do something - join a Bible study, bowling league, book club...something!  The worst thing to do would be to sit around ruminating.  The holiday season is a rough time for us.  

So...Different Kinds of Happy.  I was listening to that song by Sara Groves this morning, and it got me thinking.  I was thinking about how my view of "happy" has changed over the decades.  Honestly, at the stage I am at now, peace is something that brings happiness - peace in my soul, peace in my home, peace of mind.  It definately is a peace that passes understanding - Philippeans 4:7 says "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

It's so important to guard our hearts.  Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  When you are going through a divorce, and then definately from that point on, you need to be very, very careful who you let in.  It is recommended that you don't date for at least 3 years after a divorce is completed - and even then, with care, caution, and Godly counsel.  

It's not just romance God is talking about when he talks of guarding our hearts, though - I really believe this is a great Bible reference to having good boundaries!! If there are family members that are toxic, even if they are close relatives, sometimes you have to limit contact, to protect yourself...to guard your heart.  It is not easy to set boundaries with family, but it is important.  

Our daughter is supposed to get married today - a very poor decision, on many levels, and we have been loving but firm in our advice to her.  She is not happy that we are not "supporting her" and she has been very verbal about it.  I love her dearly - but I cannot allow her to verbally run us up the flag pole.  She flings a lot of accusations around, she drags the past up - she is capable of inflicting great harm.  Those closest to us are.  So, with much prayer and thought, I consider what I say to her - and what I allow.  It's painful - but more painful still would be to let her continue to hurt us.  We would appreciate your prayers. (Note: a year later it has worked out for the best. She's happily married, and working toward her career!)

Different kinds of happy...remember when you got married?  For many of us, we knew we were making a mistake when we got married (as my hubby and I both admit to with our ex's) - but you get caught up in the romance of it, you rationalize, you are in the whirlwind of love...or, face it, lust.  Or maybe you really loved the person and the person you married changed drastically down the road.  You remember the happy times from earlier years, and you doubt you can be happy again.

The important thing to know is this...happiness is a feeling, a transient thing.  I am grateful when I feel happy - and I have learned to let the little things make me happy.  A beautiful sunrise or sunset.  The migration of butterflies swirling around me on a walk.  Having the health to be able to walk  

Deeper than happiness, though, is joy - and joy is not dependent at all on our circumstances.  It comes from our relationship with God.  Psalm 30:5 says "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." There are times of sadness - absolutely.  But in the morning - joy!!

Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Yourgenerous Spirit".  It's a prayer we can pray when we are downcast - if you know the Lord as your Saviour - wow, that moment you realize that He sent His Son to save you, while you were yet a sinner!! (Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us). Despite knowing the real you, Christ died for YOU!! That joy gives us perspective in our situations.

Psalm 126:5 "Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy."  He sees every tear we cry - and gives us the Joy of the Lord.  What a merciful, loving God!

If you go to your concordance, or a good Bible website such as www.biblegateway.com, and do a keyword search of "joy", it will encourage you!!

If you don't know the Lord as your Saviour and want to know more, please pull one us aside and help us get your on the path to TRUE joy, and hope.  

For those of us that do know Him, please do not let the holiday season drag you down.

This month, November, I encourage you to have a thankfulness journal - write something down, every day, that you are thankful for.  It doesn't have to be deep. Today I was thankful for a garage!  Brr!  But I was really dreading November because it is loaded for me, and I purposed to be THANKFUL.  It has made all the diffference, already.  We all have so much to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving 2013

Greetings this Thanksgiving week!

It sure puts a different slant on things when you are going through -
or have gone through- a divorce when it's a holiday week.
There a couple of ways that you can look at this, though.  Like so
many things, it's all about perspective.
Holiday's can be especially difficult - the "normal" isn't "normal"
anymore.  Traditions that may have stood for years no longer stand.
Kids have to be shuttled between parents.  Or maybe you always went to
the in-laws house, and now you are on the outs, so there goes that
option.
It's a reality!
One of the most positive things you can do is start a new tradition.
For Chris and I, we have to split Thanksgiving with his ex.  She has
never been one to cook, so it is important to me that there is a
traditional meal and fellowship for the children.  For many years,
this has occurred on Friday - because most years, I am working on
Thursday.  We didn't want to miss out on the food and fellowship, so
we just bumped it a day.
This year, I am actually off on Thanksgiving, and the children will
eat with us, and then in the afternoon go over to their mother's
house.
If you have children, try your best to make the best of what you have
for them.  We have purposed to be the stable force - we haven't moved,
we have kept their rooms the same.  We want them to know that we are
here, no matter what.  Since the divorce, their mother has moved
multiple times, and had several relationships, so our biggest
contribution is Spiritual leadership and stability.  It cannot be
discounted.  You may feel helpless in your situation - but if you can
give them those things, you will be doing invaluable good in their
lives.
No matter what, don't be alone this Thanksgiving - being solitary just
drives home the isolation and loneliness, and the enemy loves to do
that.  If you have no where to go for Thanksgiving, no plans that you
can join, please drop us an email so we can assist you.  We don't want
anyone home and sad on this day of Thanksgiving.
The irony for me is my family lives in Fort Walton Beach, and I won't
see any of them for the holiday.  Every year I invite them over, and
most years my mother will come up with a reason not to join.  Of
course I also am never invited over - but this is my expectation. I
have been in this dysfunction my whole life, so I decided I would make
my own traditions.  I would make holidays a celebration of God and His
goodness and faithfulness.  I am not going to tell you it doesn't hurt
- even as a grown adult, every year it stings.  BUT GOD...turns the
day into a day of gratefulness.  I have much to thank Him for.
I encourage you today to make a list of what you are thankful for, and
say aloud to the Lord that you are thankful for those things.  Today,
despite the battle waging at my workplace toward me for over three
months now, I am glad to have a job and be drawing an income.  I am
thankful that my parents still draw breath - which means they can
still come to a saving knowledge of Him.  I am grateful for His many
blessings, which we in turn can bless others with.  I am grateful for
health, a roof over my head, legs that work, a car that runs.  A
washer and dryer.  If you get thinking about it, it won't take you
long to realize you have much to be thankful for, indeed.  Nothing
will lift your spirits and take your mind off that which may make you
blue like praising God for His mercy, love, and grace.
Here are some verses for today:

Psalm 69:30
I will praise the name of God with a song, And will magnify Him with
thanksgiving.

Psalm 95:2
Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout
joyfully to Him with psalms.

Psalm 100:4
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with
praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

2 Corinthians 4:15
For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through
the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to Him

We are Thankful for you - keep a thankful heart.  Go for a walk,
weather permitting, for at least 30 minutes - it will be worth it!

(this week's picture is from our front yard - a camellia.  Such a
simple, pure, and beautiful demonstration of the Lord's beauty and
creativity!)