Mother's Day Weekend...
It is a loaded weekend for those who are separated, divorced, or somewhere in between. Major holidays always change when family dynamics change. What to do? You need to reframe it. Start new traditions, and find a way to handle it in the healthiest way you can.
Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday because I have a very difficult relationship with my mother. Every year, I spend a long time trying to find a card that will show my appreciation for her giving birth to me, but not a card that is all mushy and lovey - because that is not our relationship. Mother's Day will remind people of mother's they have lost, or relationships that are strained, or even relationships that are broken. For those who have not had children, either by choice or through the agony of infertility, Mother's Day is a bitter day. I take this day to thank God for my blessings, and pray for mothers.
How do you handle it with your children? We would take the kids when they were small to the store and they would pick out a card for their mother - sometimes even buying a small gift. That way the ex wife still gets honored by the children. The BEST thing you can do for your children is not to bad-mouth the ex. It's more than not saying things to them - don't say things about the ex within earshot, either. Everyone needs to vent, and there are times you will need to phone a friend, or talk to legal counsel, etc - but do it FAR away from the kids, or when they are not home. That kid zoned out in front of the TV will hear everything you are saying, and even if what you are saying is true, it will be harmful for the children to hear it.
If Mother's Day falls on your visitation day, a nice olive branch to put out there is to let the kids at least spend some time with their mother. It really doesn't matter if she is not mother of the year, she IS their mom. If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't be here. Be grateful for that, if nothing else.
This Mother's Day, pray for the lost mothers - the ones who have chosen a path that is leading them away from God. Pray for them to find the Lord - because only God can change a person's character, and make us the best parents we can be. Pray for them because their influence is major in the lives of the children - and subsequently your life as well.
And pray for them because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. God has been merciful - so merciful! - with us. Not because of anything we have done - or not done. When you pray for those who have hurt you, it reminds you that you, too, need forgiveness. It keeps you humble.
Matthew 5:43-48New International Version (NIV)Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Forgiveness is the key that frees you. Prayer is very instrumental in helping soften your heart towards forgiving.
It's not easy. But, with God's help, you can slowly start to see the mother's in your life as God sees them.
*Spring iris bloom in Idaho - sent to my sons grandfather in honor of Sharon, his wife- a woman who was a mother to me for most of my life. Every year these bulbs bloom, her favorite flower, in tribute.
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