Warning: I'm getting very vulnerable. I do it to help another churched victim... Hopefully more than one.
A previous suitor of mine was a porn addict. And a predator. Upstanding in the community, handsome, had a great job,was respected by his peers, and a leader in church. He knew the Bible front to back.
He found me at a vulnerable point in my life. He could spy a victim a mile away. He wooed me. Kept boundaries. Followed timing. Said the right things.
We got engaged.
He raped me.
Yeah, I should have dumped the psychopath then, but my Christian guilt held me. I was naive. I prayed for help.
We married. Soon, it degraded into mental and emotional abuse. Physical abuse that had me throwing him in jail. Physical abuse to the boys that I found out about later.
The goal for him was not me, though. It was my toddler daughter. He used me to get to her.
I was going to a family centered non-denominational church. I would tell them my concerns and participated in marital counseling. I was told to submit to my husband. My concerns were not heard - NO one believed me.
I was once divorced and didn't want to be divorced again.
Once I found out he was physically abusing the boys, and had worse plans for my daughter, I left. Immediately.
So here's my take on the Duggar situation.
There is definitely a misogynistic bend to to some churches. I didn't have any self esteem, but I did love God and I wanted a church family.
I've seen a lot of evil done in the name of God.
It's not God's fault - it is sinful humanity.
I believe in forgiveness - but I also believe in prosecution.
I don't believe a child molester can get better. I think they need to be away from children. They break kids. Who then will have a lifetime of scars.
I know the culture of church submission. To submit is to willingly give your power over.
Or is it?
If you are weak emotionally, if you don't esteem yourself, if you don't know your power, how can you willingly give it? You can't.
I found out from the next girl, who was on the chain as soon as I fled, that she, too, was raped. We wept as we told each other our all too similar stories.
I forgive the psychopath daily. I do not forget.
Unfortunately, he is not in prison.
He belongs there.
And so does Josh Duggar, in my opinion. Getting therapy, but doing time. The wife should run and not look back - I did. But my dad had my back. And I had a career. I had an escape.
She may have the money to flee, but will she?
It's a bad situation.
It's time to shine the light on evil that church covers up.
Only then will it be properly - and legally - addressed.
LA
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