The Battlefield

I went for a run/walk the other day. It was a hot and humid late afternoon, but there was a good breeze that would come by and cool me off just when I started whining about the heat.

As I rounded the last corner and headed home, I noticed that I had an amazing view.  To my right, the approaching sunset.  To my left, the near full moon was rising, in anticipation for it's debut in the night sky.

I realized I had choices on how to think about it.

On the one hand, it was the end of the day.  Here are the two trains of thought that went through my mind as a walked down the road. As I looked at the sunset, here were my thoughts:

 

*Positive - I made it through another day!              Negative: I'm so glad this day is over.

                 What a sunset - thank you Lord!                           Ugh.  I have to work tomorrow.

                 I got out and exercised! Woot!                              I can't believe I only ran 2 miles!

                 I did a total of 5 miles! High Five!                          I don't want to go home.  Too stressful.

 

Then I looked over to the other side, where the moon was rising.  My divergent train of thought went like this:

 

*Positive -  Look at that moon! It's going to be a beautiful night!               Negative:  I hope I sleep tonight.  Another fitful night ahead.

                  I can't wait to do my Bible reading and relax before bed.                         I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. 

                  I still have time to journal!!                                                                        I haven't journaled in days.  I suck.

 

All of these thoughts went through my brain at some point.  The facts were these: there was a sun setting, and a moon rising. The rest?  Well the rest was all in the battle field of my mind.

 

The Bible has a lot to say about our mind.  That IS where the battle truly occurs.  Sure, there are a lot of things going on in your life right now - that's a FACT - but what you choose to think about is where the victory lies.

 

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJ) says this : "...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..."

 

Philippians exorts us in chapter 4 verse 8  that "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

 

Stinkin' thinkin' is MUCH easier than purposefully thinking on what Philippians instructs us to.

 

It's never more important to work on what you are thinking about than WHEN you are going through trials.  Our human nature is to get sour and bitter.  And frankly, when you are dealt a bad hand, there is that righteous anger. You're going to be mad, frustrated, upset, grieving, incredulous - and on and on.

 

Don't camp there.  

 

The way you get out of it is with your thoughts!!

 

When you are stuck in a negative thinking rut, ask God to help you out.  Don't keep rocking in that stinkin' thinkin'. 

 

Pray for His help.  Get out your Bible and find a verse or two (or more!!) that you can stand on.

 

CHOOSE to see the good.  Yeah, it was a crappy thing that happened that day this week.  But I CHOSE to thank God for the beauty of the sunset, the grandeur of the moon rise.  I CHOSE to breathe in the intoxicating nectar of confederate jasmine, and I beheld the beautiful lilies bursting forth in orange and yellow blooms all along my path.  I CHOSE to thank God for the five miles I walked/ran - and thanked Him for the ability to do it.

 

There are two paths.  Which one you go down in  your mind will determine your countenence, your attitude,  your peace.

 

Which way will YOU choose?

 

 

Anger

Anger.  

If there is any emotion you can associate with separation or divorce, anger would be one of the first emotions that comes to mind. 

Anger is an emotion a lot of people have a hard time accepting in their lives - hey, if you are a nice person, you don't get angry. Right?

Wrong. 

We all have emotions, and anger is one of them. 

Then people think anger is a sin. What it actually says in Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) is this: " Be angry, and do not sin". It doesn't say don't be angry. 

Emotions are part of who we are. We are allowed to feel them. Where we get in trouble is when we camp out in that place. Feel the anger - but don't let it control you. 

What do you do, then? In the heat of the moment, if you can, just walk away. Take a breather. Take five. 

If you can't get away, then take five seconds to hold your peace. Think on this:

In the heat of anger, the first thing to come to mind probably won't fit those "Think" criteria. 

Come up with a plan. If faced with a situation that is going to make you boil over and say something you may regret, find a way not to talk. Dont worry about looking like an idiot. 

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt" Abraham Lincoln

I am having a particularly trying week. Wednesday I got a manicure, and I painted my pinkie yellow. Bright, caution yellow. Because I glance at it during angry boil up, and I pause. I think on one of my favorite verses, found in James 1:19 

19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 

It's normal to feel angry. Just find a way to deal with it in a healthy way - for your sake. 

In A Fog

Today I opened the garage door as usual at 0420 to begin my 62 mile commute to work. It's a drive I make every week, full time, and I have made this trek since 2006.  I think if I let my car go, it would drive itself there.

As I got on the interstate, my Jetta was soon enveloped in a thick, smothering fog. I got off of cruise control and slowed to a safer highway fog speed, and gripped the wheel with both hands, becoming extra alert, tense, looking for any hazards that might be in my very limited visual field.

Although I know the path well, suddenly I was disoriented.  I squinted to see the mile markers, looking for a sign that I was where I should be on the commute.  There were no street lamps to light the way, and I knew the next lights would not be until my exit.  The fog pressed agains my windows, and my headlights sliced through the grey vapor, sending it off in streams over and around me.

My senses were heightened. I was uneasy, though - even though I had been down this road before, this was an experience that had to be handled today.  In the moment.  It appeared without warning, and it could just as easily dissapate quickly.

Eventually a dim light appeared in the near distance, and I relaxed a little.  It was amazing how much that little hint of yellow light at the top of the hill gave me comfort.  For a minute, I knew where I was, and I knew there was a way out of the darkness.

Divorce is a lot like that.

One day you are just cruising along, and then suddenly, the air is sucked out of the room.  Everything is changed.  In a moment.  Or maybe it was over a period of time.

Once you start the journey of separation or divorce, though, then you are on the foggy path.  The way things were done before are not the same.  The landscape of your life is no longer something that is familiar to you.

You become anxious, sensitive, looking for direction or hope.  You cling to anything that looks familiar to you, that makes sense.  Your mind becomes foggy with lack of sleep, anxiety, emotion - the whirlwind of situations, legalities, and emotions that rushes over you.

In the mean time you careen down a road that you didn't expect to be on, and you can't see where it ends.

There is a light - there is a hope.  It's so important to surround yourself with safe people that care about you.  Family, friends, church family.  The divorce recovery program is so vital and effective because there is someone who has been down the road, knows it well, and knows that there is an exit off of it.  Knows that the fog will lift when the Son appears.

Know that we are praying for you.  Know that God loves you - and He wants you to trust Him.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr said "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

The first step is toward God.  Telling Him everything.  Crying out to Him.  Giving your life to Him...and trusting that He will put you back on the right path.

The sun WILL come up again...

LLS

Awkward Transitions

Mother's Day Weekend...

It is a loaded weekend for those who are separated, divorced, or somewhere in between.  Major holidays always change when family dynamics change.  What to do?  You need to reframe it. Start new traditions, and find a way to handle it in the healthiest way you can.

Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday because I have a very difficult relationship with my mother. Every year, I spend a long time trying to find a card that will show my appreciation for her giving birth to me, but not a card that is all mushy and lovey - because that is not our relationship.  Mother's Day will remind people of mother's they have lost, or relationships that are strained, or even relationships that are broken.  For those who have not had children, either by choice or through the agony of infertility, Mother's Day is a bitter day.  I take this day to thank God for my blessings, and pray for mothers.

How do you handle it with your children?  We would take the kids when they were small to the store and they would pick out a card for their mother - sometimes even buying a small gift.  That way the ex wife still gets honored by the children.  The BEST thing you can do for your children is not to bad-mouth the ex.  It's more than not saying things to them - don't say things about the ex within earshot, either.  Everyone needs to vent, and there are times you will need to phone a friend, or talk to legal counsel, etc - but do it FAR away from the kids, or when they are not home.  That kid zoned out in front of the TV will hear everything you are saying, and even if what you are saying is true, it will be harmful for the children to hear it.  

If Mother's Day falls on your visitation day, a nice olive branch to put out there is to let the kids at least spend some time with their mother.  It really doesn't matter if she is not mother of the year, she IS their mom.  If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't be here.  Be grateful for that, if nothing else.  

This Mother's Day, pray for the lost mothers - the ones who have chosen a path that is leading them away from God.  Pray for them to find the Lord - because only God can change a person's character, and make us the best parents we can be.  Pray for them because their influence is major in the lives of the children - and subsequently your life as well.  

And pray for them because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.  God has been merciful - so merciful! - with us.  Not because of anything we have done - or not done.  When you pray for those who have hurt you, it reminds you that you, too, need forgiveness.  It keeps you humble.  

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version (NIV)

Love for Enemies

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Forgiveness is the key that frees you.  Prayer is very instrumental in helping soften your heart towards forgiving.  

It's not easy.  But, with God's help, you can slowly start to see the mother's in your life as God sees them. 

*Spring iris bloom in Idaho - sent to my sons grandfather in honor of Sharon, his wife- a woman who was a mother to me for most of my life. Every year these bulbs bloom, her favorite flower, in tribute.