Mother's Day

It's 1am and I'm wide awake. 

It reminds me of times I was wide awake at this hour, and not because of insomnia. 

When I was 18, I was a naive young  mom to a new baby, awake and nursing my new son. Having my firstborn changed me from a teen into a mom. Now he's a great person, the image of his long deceased father, and he fills my heart with joy. He's talented, charismatic, and Called. 

When I was 28, I was awake with my middle son - trying to study for nursing school the only time I could. This kid would. Not. Sleep! He'd peek his head around the corner, grinning. He's still smiling - he is an extremely positive child. He lifts me up every time I see or talk to him!

When I was 35,  I was a single mom. I was awake doing what turned into seven years of night shifts. Yet every time my tired self hit the bed, I'd wake up to my precious blonde daughter, sprawled across me. She's a firecracker, a go getter, and the world better watch out because she's gonna make an impact! She keeps me real!

Nine and a half years ago I met the two  kids who would be enveloped into my army of children. They have expanded my heart as well as my home. They have challenged and humbled me. 

Three years ago I was awake wondering why I had to I give a child back to God. Those weeks of anticipation were exciting and miraculous. That pregnancy made me more compassionate...and infinitely more tender. 

Last year I reconnected stronger than ever with my brother's son, re-enfolding him into my brood, years after carting him around as one of my own. He's my son, too. 

My kids lives are expanding with two spouses I love, as well as a grand baby from my brother's son. 

My life is full.

At one a.m. on this Mother's Day in this quiet, empty house, my heart is full, too. 

I am blessed among women, indeed. 

LS

Help Is On The Way

I was reading my Bible last night, and came upon a passage in Daniel that reminded me of a rough patch in the past...and gave me hope for the one I am going through currently.

Do you ever fell like your prayers go unanswered? Or that God is for some reason withholding from you? 

There are times that I am dedicated to sincere, heartfelt prayer - and I'm not too vain to say that these times are often concurrent with a rather difficult trial. I want help/answers/relief, and I want it now!

After all, who likes to suffer?

I don't know why sometimes we get our prayers answered as almost as soon as they pass our lips, and sometimes it takes a while. A long while. 

It is not my job to know. Got is omniscient - He is all knowing. I certainly wouldn't want to be in charge of everything. Believe me, I try to handle it, but I quickly find that letting go was easier than holding on. 

So, back to the Daniel story. 

In Daniel chapter 10:10-14, Daniel had a visitor. Earlier in the chapter, to set up the story, Daniel explained in vs. 2-3 that "In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself till three whole weeks were fulfilled."

Daniel was at his lowest low, and he prayed, and fasted, and had great devotion to God. He also was very disciplined! By human standards, one would think his answer and relief would be immediate. 

It wasn't. 

That brings us back to vs. 10-14. Look at this:

10 Suddenly, a hand touched me, which made me tremble on my knees and on the palms of my hands. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you.” While he was speaking this word to me, I stood trembling.

12 Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. 13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia. 14 Now I have come to make you understand what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision refers to many days yet to come.”

Verse 12 is SO KEY! As soon as Daniel humbled humbled himself, his prayers were heard and answered IMMEDIATELY!

There was great spiritual warfare, though, and the forces of heaven joined to reach Daniel and encourage him.

I had a Pastor once tell me the Spiritual realm is much more real than the physical one - we go by the physical one because it's what we can understand with our physical senses. 

 It is so important to press into the Word, and to pray, because it puts our focus back on the Spiritual - we may not understand, but He does, and He will comfort us, assure us, strengthen us, and give us hope. 

If you are not getting immediate answers to your prayers, humble yourself.  

Then, realize there could be a lot going on behind the scenes in your behalf!

LAS

Trust

Trust. 

Anyone who has been betrayed or been let down by people in their lives, especially in a major way such as with infidelity, abuse, or divorce , will flinch at the word trust. 

It is so, SO essential to healing, though. 

There's a moot caveat, though. Your trust must be in God. 

Step one! Are you mad at God? Disappointed at Him? Can't believe where you are or what you are dealing with? 

He says "Trust Me."

Don't for a second get involved with another human being romantically until you have dealt with this issue, because it is so all-encompassing. 

Cry out to Him - or yell at Him...but talk to Him. Just put it all out on the table. 

Search your heart - what do you need to confess? Where are you hurting? Lay it on Him. He can take it. 

Then, if you aren't doing it already, talk to Him daily, and read the Bible.  Don't have a Bible? Email us back. Find the Word and read it. It's alive, it's His loving and living epistle to us. 

Now you've set the ground work for trusting Him. You put the former things aside, you confessed your sins, you opened up. 

It's hard. The reality me though, is this - He has never let you down, He has never forsaken you. Even when we are sinners, He knows the entire path of our life. Nothing surprises Him.

Why am I in this mess, you may ask. He will show you- but you have to have an open heart. 

Often, we don't get the answers we seek.  

Trust Him.

It's another thing you have to apply on your life - like forgiveness. It may be a foreign subject to you. You may have put all your trust in an idea. A person. A family. 

Ultimately, people are people and will let you down - just as you have let others down...even let yourself down. Reference back to forgiveness. 

If you are repentant, humble,many trusting God...that means that no matter what the circumstances are saying, no matter how people are responding to you, no matter what- you trust that He knows. HE cares. He is omnipotent, all powerful, and He will take care of you. 

It's a relationship with God. He wants to hear from us.  He wants to heal us. He wants us to grow, so we can make disciples, and help heal others. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

If we lean on what we know, we are going off past hurts, and what we see and feel. When we trust God with all our hearts, the all knowing, all seeing God takes into consideration all that we don't know. And that's a lot! 

Joshua 1:9 have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be you dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever You go.

Psalms 9:10 and they that know your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken them that seek You. 

Psalms 20:7 some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. 

Proverbs 28:26 he that trusts his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely, He shall be delivered. 

Look up "trust" in a  Bible concordance- there are many, many more verses!

Heading Upstream

I was recently fly fishing in a river out west.  This was my first time fly fishing, and my cousin and I had a guide to show us the way.  It was a beautiful day, and the river was low - we had our waders on, along with the other gear necessary.

As I stepped into the river, I was secluded in a nook, and as long as I stood there, I was fine.  If I stepped outside that little sheltered cove, the river- though low - would start pulling me down.  So I fished there for a while.

After some time, the guide asked if we were willing to ford the river to fish the tributaries on the other side.  I was willing, as was my cousin, and so we went.  We had to go upstream - the guide was on the leading edge, and my cousin was on the other side of me.  We locked arms, and started our careful journey across.

The guide had done it many times before, and knew the dangers in crossing the river.  We held on tighter as we moved into the deeper water, placing our feet carefully and circumspectly as the river rocks were slick and uneven.  As the water deepened to our waist, the force of the river intensified.  Each time I lifted my foot, the river would sweep it back.  It took great concentration to work together to make it across the river. 

Eventually, we were on the other side, all intact, ready for the next adventure.

I didn't have to wait long.

Buoyed by my success at crossing the big river, the guide and I now went to ford the smaller branch.  I boldly took the leading edge, and we crossed arms and began to move across.  Even though this branch of the river was smaller, the waters were still swift and the rocks were still slick.  Overconfident, my foot was not placed on a solid footing, and I found myself slipping.  Laughing, I went into the river - taking the guide with me - and found the back of my waders filling with ice cold mountain water.  We were laughing so hard, it was hard to get back up, but working together, we did manage to get up and move across to the bank. I took my waders off, dumping out at least a gallon of ice cold water, and putting them back on over my drenched feet and legs.  

Heading back as the day ended, I let the guide lead, and I took my time.  Fording the big river, we three crossed slowly and quietly, reminded of the force that could carry us away. 

We are all heading upstream.

If you are a professing Christian, never more has it been more apparent than now that we are in a hostile environment.  Land minds are everywhere, and we have to watch our step.  As a separated or divorced Christian, the world may look alluring - and we do live here, after all. But the Bible says we are to be in the world, but not OF the world. 

John 17:14-15New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴ I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. ¹⁵ I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.

When I was with my guide and my cousin, I was in the river, but not a part of it.  I had my protection, my guide, my family, and we let the guide lead us.  When I tried to do it myself, albeit with the guide behind me, I landed in the river.

It's easy to get into trouble.  I didn't even have to let go of the guide and I still went down into the river.  If I had tried to go by myself, disaster would have surely ensued. 

It's easy to get overconfident in the times that things go well.  But remember 

"1 Peter 5:8New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because^[a] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. "

Let the Word and the Lord be your guide - hold on tight, let Him lead, never let go.  

Stick close to the Body of Christ, the family - let them hold you up, encourage and exhort you, and exhort and encourage one another.

We can make it upstream - but we have to do it together.

LS

Come, Just As You Are...But Don't Stay That Way

There is a term I learned back in my charismatic days of my youth. 

"Greasy Grace"

Basically it's using the grace of God to stay stagnant in your sinful state. The grace of God covers us - but not without a price. 

Grace is often described as God's unmerited favor. We can't do anything to gain it - or lose it. 

This is not an excuse to live like you want. 

Becoming a Christian means striving daily to be more like Christ. 

How do you do this?

Luke 9:23 "Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

Christ carried His cross to Golgotha - and died on it. 

Died for all who would follow Him. Making that initial choice means taking up your cross...and choosing to die. Every day. 

Die to what? Well let me give you the list of what I have to die to daily. At least one, if not several, of the sins listed below. My spirit follows God - but every day there is a battle against the flesh, which looks like this:

The Seven Deadly Sins:

Lust (Matthew 5:28)

Gluttony (Proverbs 15:19)

Greed (Ephesians 4:19)

Laziness (Proverbs 15:19)

Wrath (Proverbs 15:1)

Envy (1 Peter 2:1-2)

Pride (Proverbs 16:18)

Every. Single. Day. 

Yeah, God loves me. But He HATES sin! Sin separates me from God! 

No one talks about sin. It's not PC. 

If you're going to follow Him, you have to deal with it. 

Not anyone else's. It's easy to point at the speck in someone else's eye and ignore the plank in your own. (Matthew 7:1-7)

The closer I get to God, the more my flesh rebels. The more I realize "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked" (Jeremiah 17:9). 

So pardon me while I take my cross up. While I work on me. 

I don't intend to be the same tomorrow. 

One day at a time. Until He brings me home...

LS

Missing The Path

We all headed down the path to matrimony with one goal - the elusive happily ever after. 

It didn't work that way. 

Maybe your spouse strayed off the straight and narrow. 

Maybe you did. 

Now you find yourself lost, alone, adrift. 

Or you've gotten back on track..you're just not sure it's the RIGHT track. 

You know there is hope out there, but how do you find it? Where is it?

Proverbs 14:12 (NKJV) "There is a way that seems right to a man, but it's end is the way of death"

We don't trust ourselves.  We have a hard time trusting others.  

Who CAN you trust? 

Proverbs 3:5-6 has been a favorite of mine for a long time, for it says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Trust. 

In God. Who is Lord of your heart. (Is He?)

With ALL your heart. 

Don't try and figure it out yourself. 

Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways. 

That's a biggie...but the payoff is huge. 

And He will direct your PATHS.  

I know I don't want to go the wrong way again. I know I don't want to go around the mountain again, suffer from a lesson I should've learned. 

So I listen to the stIll small voice. 

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)

Do you know Him? Then His voice is still there....shhhh...still your mind. Get quiet with Him. Cry out to Him. 

He KNOWS you. 

Follow Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the life (John 14:6). 

Tonight on the way home from work, a magnificent sunset was forming. I love photography, and I really wanted to capture the majesty I knew would be right around the corner. 

As I entered my neighborhood, the sun dipped below the horizon. 

Frustrated, I passed my street and headed to the ponds, where I was SURE I was going to get "the" shot, the perfect answer to my quest. 

I rounded the curve, and no brilliant hues were noted. Just grey clouds. I was frustrated. I knew something majestic was there. Disappointed, I went to turn home...then the voice of God said "go straight". 

So I did. Back to the front of the neighborhood.  I was turning to go home, when I looked to the left...and was transfixed!

The waning sun was reflected in the clouds, a wide open palette of pastel pinks and purples, ethereal in appearance. Like nothing I had seen! I hastily parked, jumped out of the car, and praised God! It wasn't the direction I thought it was going to come from. It wasn't what I expected. It surpassed my expectations!

In the few moments I stood in awe, another amazing scene was setting up behind me. 

I turned to go back to the car, and the second picture came into glorious view. I was surrounded by beauty - different in its manifestation, but awesome in its own way. 

I almost turned back. I thought I had missed it. 

Do you think you have missed the mark?

Gotten so far afield there is no finding the Light?

Seek ye first the kingdom of God - and HIS righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33). 

Never give up.

He will never give up on you. 

LS

Weighing In On Porn Addiction - And The Duggars: A Victim's Tale

Warning: I'm getting very vulnerable. I do it to help another churched victim... Hopefully more than one. 

A previous suitor of mine was a porn addict.  And a predator. 

Upstanding in the community, handsome, had a great job,was respected by his peers, and a leader in church. He knew the Bible front to back. 

He found me at a vulnerable point in my life. He could spy a victim a mile away. He wooed me. Kept boundaries. Followed timing. Said the right things. 

We got engaged. 

He raped me. 

Yeah, I should have dumped the psychopath then, but my Christian guilt held me. I was naive. I prayed for help.

We married. Soon, it degraded into mental and emotional abuse. Physical abuse that had me throwing him in jail. Physical abuse to the boys that I found out about later. 

The goal for him was not me, though. It was my toddler daughter. He used me to get to her. 

I was going to a family centered non-denominational church. I would tell them my concerns and participated in marital counseling. I was told to submit to my husband. My concerns were not heard - NO one believed me. 

I was once divorced and didn't want to be divorced again.

Once I found out he was physically abusing the boys, and had worse plans for my daughter, I left. Immediately. 

So here's my take on the Duggar situation. 

There is definitely a misogynistic bend to to some churches. I didn't have any self esteem, but I did love God and I wanted a church family. 

I've seen a lot of evil done in the name of God. 

It's not God's fault - it is sinful humanity. 

I believe in forgiveness - but I also believe in prosecution. 

I don't believe a child molester can get better. I think they need to be away from children. They break kids. Who then will have a lifetime of scars. 

I know the culture of church submission. To submit is to willingly give your power over. 

Or is it?

If you are weak emotionally, if you don't esteem yourself, if you don't know your power, how can you willingly give it? You can't. 

I found out from the next girl, who was on the chain as soon as I fled, that she, too, was raped. We wept as we told each other our all too similar stories. 

I forgive the psychopath daily. I do not forget. 

Unfortunately, he is not in prison. 

He belongs there. 

And so does Josh Duggar, in my opinion. Getting therapy, but doing time. The wife should run and not look back - I did. But my dad had my back. And I had a career. I had an escape. 

She may have the money to flee, but will she?

It's a bad situation. 

It's time to shine the light on evil that church covers up. 

Only then will it be properly - and legally - addressed. 

LA