Infrastructure

INFRASTRUCTURE
(noun) The basic physical and organziational structures and facilities
(e.g., buildings, roads, and power supplies) needed for the operation
of a society or interprise.


"The infrastructure problem is huge - and it's growing.  The American
Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE) estimates that the nation faces a
$2.2 trillion infrastructure backlog.  One of every eight bridges is
"structurally deficient", and 85 perecnt of public transit systems are
struggling to carry the growing number of riders.  As ASCE President
Blaine D Leonard puts it, "We are still driving on Eisenhower's roads
and sending our kids to Roosevelt's schools."

I first started thinking about this subject after the recent tragic
train crash in Pennsylvania.   If you don't take care of the roads,
the bridges, the buildings, they will break down eventually.  A lot of
the roads and bridges were never meant to carry the load that they
have going across them each and every day.

I'm not trying to get you to stay in your house in fear!  Instead, I
want to talk about a different infrastructure.

When you get married, you build something together - a new life.  You
take the raw material of two lives, and you begin to forge ahead into
the future.  You make plans - blueprints of where you want your life
to go.  You add kids, a home.  Pets.

All of these things you must take care of - guarding your heart,
protecting your children, caring for your pets.  Your house.  Your
yard.  You make repairs as they are needed.

Then comes the separation or divorce.  There may have been cracks in
the infrastructure, insidious as termites eating the foundation of
your home.

Or it may have come out of the blue...or so it seems.  Because the
most important infrastructure is in YOU.

We are spirits that have a body.  We have minds, will, and emotions.
What is on the inside of us?  Are we just a deck of cards, ready to be
blown over by the slightest breeze? Are we made of straw, or sticks,
like the fairy tale, ready to be blown down?

We can't go back and heal the deficiencies that were in our
infrastructure prior to our separation or divorce.  BUT...we can
identify what we need to do to heal, repair, strenghten, and continue
on the road set before us.

The first thing is the foundation - you must have a good, solid
foundation under your home.  Matthew 7:24 says "Therefore, whoever
hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise
man who built his house on the rock."

A strong foundation is primary.  A relationship with our loving God -
trusting Him.  That may be difficult right now.  You need to wipe the
slate clean - clear off the site of the old destruction and pain, and
let him set you on the Rock.  Then you can start building on that
foundation by reading the Word, praying, fellowshiping with other
Christian's.

The next step is to grow - a solid infrastructure doesn't just sit
there.  It has to change with time and tide.

John 15:5 says "I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in
Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is
withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they
are burned. If you abide in Me, and in My words abide in you, you will
ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father
is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."

When a home is not lived in, after a while the environment will take
over.  It is the same with our relationship with God - we need to
purpose to live in Him, and He in us.  It's a symbiotic relationship.
We glow closer to Him - He draws nearer to us.  We seek His help and
strength - He is our foundation and makes strong our inner being.

And our home!

How's your infrastructure?

Father's Day

I have agonized over this posting, and the Lord is gently guiding me.  So I am asking each one of you, male and female, to prayerfully consider this letter from a humble former divorced single mom.

First of all, we all got on this planet because of a mother and a father.  I don't know what your relationship is with your biological father, but if you have a good relationship - thanks be to God. If not so much, then ask God to heal your relationship if possible, and to heal your heart if not.  It's a foundational thing. 

What we think of our fathers- our relationship with our fathers - often will shape how we think of God.  Did you have a stern disciplinarian for a father?  Then you may have a view of God as the God of thunder and lightning and wrath.  Did you have a loving, nurturing relationship with your dad?  You probably have an easier time thinking of God as a loving father.  Absent father?  Then you really don't know what to think - and you may wonder how God could let you grow up without a father.

You can't solve the issues with your dad or lack thereof today- I am just asking you to pray about it.  God IS a loving God and He wants you healed, and whole.

Now I will talk to the fathers.  Thank you.  Thank you for being a part of your kids lives.  Thank you for loving them.  And trust me - they need you SO MUCH.  More than you will ever know.  They are looking to you for love, affection, attention, affirmation, example...etc.  

Some of you have more time with your kids than your ex.  Regardless of how much time you have - MAKE THE MOST OF IT.  I don't mean Disney Dad it (though y'all know I love Disney!).  I mean BE there when you are with them.  They may look like they are ignoring you  - they are not.  Play ball.  Have game night - yes, this still really works!  Read the Bible with them. Go for walks. Take them to the library.  Regardless of the status of your relationship with their mother, YOU are the head.  You set the tone of their upbringing - especially if you are the one trying to pick up your cross and work out your salvation daily.  YES they may see and experience things that you don't want them to when they are not with you - you have no control over that.  What you have control over is your time with them - make memories!  Cook dinner with them, even if it's a blue box of mac and cheese and hot dogs.  Take them to the beach.  Cuddle with them.  BE PRESENT.  Tell them you love them.  Every.  Single.  Day.  You may not have been raised this way - but trust me, you can learn a new habit, and your kids need to know that you are ROCK SOLID.  Give them a space that is theirs, that won't change.  Give them security - and you do that by being consistent.  

You are SO SO important.  Regardless of the status of your relationship with their mother, they need YOU.  You are shaping their future with every action - intentional or unintentional.  So live intentionally!

Now, mom's.  Some of you are able to amicably shuffle the kids back and forth.  Some don't see the ex at all, or the ex has disappeared.  Or died.  Same basic message - you are important.  They need  a mom.  Your kids need nurturing, love, stability, consistency.

And they need you not to badmouth their father. 

It's beyond not saying things TO them - don't say things AROUND them.  Talking to your friends at the ball game.  Talking on the phone in your room, you may not think they can hear you.  They can.  

My kids have a deadbeat dad who avoided paying child support, and thus any contact with his kids, for almost 20 years.  What did I tell them? I told them that he loved them as best he could.  That he was hurting and that is why he wasn't around - it wasn't their fault.  As time went on and they got older, the truth became apparent.  

That's the thing - you cannot badmouth the ex.  They are loyal to mom.  They are loyal to dad.  No matter how horrible, wrong, deserting, selfish, etc they are, the kids will think the best of their parents.  Don't burst their bubble. Life will come along soon enough.

So tell your kids that their absent father loves them.  And then tell them that their Father in Heaven loves them, and He is there for them, every day, no matter what.  Help them see God as Someone that loves them unconditionally.  Help set that foundation.  Help redeem the name of Father for them.  

I pray for you all today - that our gracious Heavenly Father will bring peace and hope to you today. 

Quicker To Judge

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. It's been a challenge with two families, but we are very much in love, and we are constantly shoring up and protecting our marriage- the most important relationship apart from our relationship with God. 

What I don't understand is how quick to judge and how long the grudge is from some friends and family. I understood hard feelings at the beginning- we have both been in other marriages and relationships.  It takes time to adjust. 

We've been together 8 1/2 years now - if you know us, if you love us, isn't it past time to support us? Especially from the Christian camp. Both of us had cheating spouses - do we not at least get credit for love and faithfulness to each other? God is for our marriage - I don't understand those who are against it. 

Both of us have been marginalized, ignored, slandered, and written off. Without getting facts from us, many have run with fictional stories, not truth, and blocked us. 

With first marriages, I don't think this happens as much. Remarriage for some reason leads to harsher judgement. 

Bottom line:we are going to live the rest of our lives together, serving God and loving one another. We thank God every day for healing the hurts of past relationships AND giving us another chance to love, and be loved. 

It sure would be great to have the support of our families and friends. (Of note: his parents have been wonderful, loving, accepting and a true blessing.)

Thank you new friends and church family for your love and support. 

As to the doubters or worse...examine the plank on your eye before you try and take the speck out of ours. A little forgiveness goes a long way. And we miss you. 

LS