The Dad Factor

Today is Father's Day. It is a day I love, but as a former single mom, I know that Dad is much more powerful than father. To be a father just takes a hookup. A biological act. Nothing past that ... and you are always the father. My eldest never got a chance to grow a Dad relationship with his father. His father was killed in a car accident when he was three. My middle and youngest children also have a father...he was present in their lives only until my son was 6, and my daughter six months...and then disappeared into a life of unfortunate choices. So they have a father, but not a dad in him. Nine years ago, my husband came into the picture. The boys were adult and almost adult, and my daughter was a teen. Everyone on the planet has a father, but not everyone has a Dad. My husband vowed to love not just me, but my children, too. It has not been easy to blend a family. I have often said it's the hardest thing to do. My children are at least open hearted and willing to accept my husband - my daughter sees him as Dad, and my sons are developing relationships with him at their own pace. My husband truly loves all of my kids, and I believe over time it will be the bridge that brings them together. It's a lot more complicated when they have been burned by other men. On this Fathers Day, I honor my Daddy, who I have grown much closer to in the last two decades. I love him and enjoy spending time with him. I know I'm blessed to have him. I also honor my husband, who opened his heart to be Dad to three kids that had been abandoned and abused by men that were in their life, by biology or marriage. It hurts me that I put my children through some of that through my poor choices. But I'm relieved that God has given them a chance to have a Dad for the rest of their lives. I hope they will take full advantage of this blessing. LS

Hello From Below

Hello from below. I started into a depressive exascerbation about three weeks ago. The abyss yawns still. Yesterday as I left work, I was grateful that the sun was shining - due to the coming of spring and summer hours. I was caressed by a gentle breeze, punctuated by the sweet trill of a finch up above. I literally stopped walking toward my car and closed my eyes to listen. It's been a hard episode. My beloved dog Mitzi went blind over the space of two days, and I have taken her to two different states to have her seen by specialists. She's had a CT, spinal tap, and is on a lot of medication. This week I go to Auburn Veterinary School to see a neurologist. I'm still praying she doesn't have the degenerative neurological diseases they have brought up. She is acting like herself despite her blindness, but I'm struggling with the thought of her struggling in any way. She has been, and always been, my therapy dog. I have had a lot of physical pain. Mostly my back,but also a knee that I can't lean on - and that's had to forget I can't do!! There have been family situations that I can't do anything about. "Let it go" is my mantra. I care deeply for these situations, and I have valuable and helpful input, but my hands are tied. It's frustrating. And at this nadir in my life, it just compounds the misery. Tomorrow marks the 4 year anniversary of my miscarriage. I'm heartbroken but healing. On my walk the other day, as I contemplated all of this, a bluebird landed on a nearby mailbox, and didn't move. Bluebirds are the symbol of my lost child. A symbol now of hope...and to go on. To keep moving. I'm down. I'm not leaving my house much. I'm setting tiny goals and if I don't meet them, I set a new goal. I'm mindful of my fragility. This, too, shall pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later. LS

Disappointment

What a huge disappointment. A ministry that has been a resource just announced partnership with someone who will keep them out of our home from now on. The Bible is clear regarding divorce - God hates it. When someone is adulterous, the victim can move on. There will still be pain and destruction for years because of the adulterer. I go to a church where divorced men cannot be deacons. I understand, but it is sad that the one who didn't cause the divorce suffers from effects that they didn't want. Now this group has the one that committed adultery, and married their lover, in a leadership position. God forgives. Serve the Lord. I believe that you have to realize the magnitude of your actions....and they last a lifetime. LS

Blooming Out of Season

I went on a short walk with my dog today, and noticed that all the flowering plants were blooming. It's barely February. It is winter. It is defiantly NOT time for flowers to be blooming. Blooming they are,though- and with gusto. It of course got me thinking. A common phrase I have heard in Christian circles is "bloom where you are planted". When I got this lesson, I didn't appreciate it because I was not happy where I was, nor accepting that it was where I had to be. Fast forward 17 years. I'm still here. I am not flourishing, but I am also trying to do my best to accept the fact that I live somewhere I don't want to. Here comes the next kicker...sometimes you gotta bloom out of season. When you remarry, you put the cart before the horse. The bloom of first marriage has long since faded, or been trampled on. The newness of a baby gets replaced by the reality of grown kids. Instead of spring, welcome to late summer. Or even fall. We come into a new marriage full of hope and love and rainbows and unicorns. Then the scalding barrenness of summer fries us around the edges a bit. It's a lot harder to be dropped into the middle of a hot summer when you want to enjoy the tender beauty of spring. It's a lot to deal with - kids who are not happy to be a part of a family they didn't ask for. Shifting orders of priority and birth order in the new family. The divorced parent being out of the picture, or constantly muddying the waters. Sometimes it's all you can do to survive the early years of remarriage. It's a time where you have to make sure you feed yourself and each other the Word, when you have to concentrate on being stable and letting roots grow. Sometimes, though, you need to bloom out of season. It's that extra effort. It's reaching down deep, finding that kernel of hope, and forcing the bloom. It's choosing to take a chance on being that vulnerability out in you, even if it's cold outside. Because blooming out of season brings fresh hope. It reminds us that spring is still there. It brings a smile to our face as we behold the beauty of our Creator, and what we are capable of. So go ahead. Take that tired, dormant heart and hand it over to God. Let Him shine His light of love and hope on it. And bloom, baby! LS

In Praise of the Gentleman

Today is the first day of November. I'm going to spend the month concentrating on being thankful, and on helping others. I'm immensely grateful that my husband is a true gentleman. I think that I get my true appreciation for it from my childhood example, my dad. Daddy was always a gentleman - he walked the walk in honoring his wife. And he still does. He expected us to respect my mother. He wouldn't tolerate anything else. He taught me manners, how to act like a lady - and expected me to behave like a lady. This was the example I had. And have. My husband has been a gentleman with me - he's the guy that opens the doors for me, car doors and any other door. He puts me first. He makes sure I order first at restaurants. When I see men ignore their wives and girlfriends, walking far in front of them and going in places without a glance back, I am glad my husband is always mindful of my needs. He doesn't have to treat me this way - he chooses to. I've been treated a lot worse by some real Neanderthals. I am thankful for a servant leader, gentleman spouse. LS

Mother's Day

It's 1am and I'm wide awake. 

It reminds me of times I was wide awake at this hour, and not because of insomnia. 

When I was 18, I was a naive young  mom to a new baby, awake and nursing my new son. Having my firstborn changed me from a teen into a mom. Now he's a great person, the image of his long deceased father, and he fills my heart with joy. He's talented, charismatic, and Called. 

When I was 28, I was awake with my middle son - trying to study for nursing school the only time I could. This kid would. Not. Sleep! He'd peek his head around the corner, grinning. He's still smiling - he is an extremely positive child. He lifts me up every time I see or talk to him!

When I was 35,  I was a single mom. I was awake doing what turned into seven years of night shifts. Yet every time my tired self hit the bed, I'd wake up to my precious blonde daughter, sprawled across me. She's a firecracker, a go getter, and the world better watch out because she's gonna make an impact! She keeps me real!

Nine and a half years ago I met the two  kids who would be enveloped into my army of children. They have expanded my heart as well as my home. They have challenged and humbled me. 

Three years ago I was awake wondering why I had to I give a child back to God. Those weeks of anticipation were exciting and miraculous. That pregnancy made me more compassionate...and infinitely more tender. 

Last year I reconnected stronger than ever with my brother's son, re-enfolding him into my brood, years after carting him around as one of my own. He's my son, too. 

My kids lives are expanding with two spouses I love, as well as a grand baby from my brother's son. 

My life is full.

At one a.m. on this Mother's Day in this quiet, empty house, my heart is full, too. 

I am blessed among women, indeed. 

LS

Help Is On The Way

I was reading my Bible last night, and came upon a passage in Daniel that reminded me of a rough patch in the past...and gave me hope for the one I am going through currently.

Do you ever fell like your prayers go unanswered? Or that God is for some reason withholding from you? 

There are times that I am dedicated to sincere, heartfelt prayer - and I'm not too vain to say that these times are often concurrent with a rather difficult trial. I want help/answers/relief, and I want it now!

After all, who likes to suffer?

I don't know why sometimes we get our prayers answered as almost as soon as they pass our lips, and sometimes it takes a while. A long while. 

It is not my job to know. Got is omniscient - He is all knowing. I certainly wouldn't want to be in charge of everything. Believe me, I try to handle it, but I quickly find that letting go was easier than holding on. 

So, back to the Daniel story. 

In Daniel chapter 10:10-14, Daniel had a visitor. Earlier in the chapter, to set up the story, Daniel explained in vs. 2-3 that "In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself till three whole weeks were fulfilled."

Daniel was at his lowest low, and he prayed, and fasted, and had great devotion to God. He also was very disciplined! By human standards, one would think his answer and relief would be immediate. 

It wasn't. 

That brings us back to vs. 10-14. Look at this:

10 Suddenly, a hand touched me, which made me tremble on my knees and on the palms of my hands. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you.” While he was speaking this word to me, I stood trembling.

12 Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. 13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia. 14 Now I have come to make you understand what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision refers to many days yet to come.”

Verse 12 is SO KEY! As soon as Daniel humbled humbled himself, his prayers were heard and answered IMMEDIATELY!

There was great spiritual warfare, though, and the forces of heaven joined to reach Daniel and encourage him.

I had a Pastor once tell me the Spiritual realm is much more real than the physical one - we go by the physical one because it's what we can understand with our physical senses. 

 It is so important to press into the Word, and to pray, because it puts our focus back on the Spiritual - we may not understand, but He does, and He will comfort us, assure us, strengthen us, and give us hope. 

If you are not getting immediate answers to your prayers, humble yourself.  

Then, realize there could be a lot going on behind the scenes in your behalf!

LAS