Hello From Below

Hello from below. I started into a depressive exascerbation about three weeks ago. The abyss yawns still. Yesterday as I left work, I was grateful that the sun was shining - due to the coming of spring and summer hours. I was caressed by a gentle breeze, punctuated by the sweet trill of a finch up above. I literally stopped walking toward my car and closed my eyes to listen. It's been a hard episode. My beloved dog Mitzi went blind over the space of two days, and I have taken her to two different states to have her seen by specialists. She's had a CT, spinal tap, and is on a lot of medication. This week I go to Auburn Veterinary School to see a neurologist. I'm still praying she doesn't have the degenerative neurological diseases they have brought up. She is acting like herself despite her blindness, but I'm struggling with the thought of her struggling in any way. She has been, and always been, my therapy dog. I have had a lot of physical pain. Mostly my back,but also a knee that I can't lean on - and that's had to forget I can't do!! There have been family situations that I can't do anything about. "Let it go" is my mantra. I care deeply for these situations, and I have valuable and helpful input, but my hands are tied. It's frustrating. And at this nadir in my life, it just compounds the misery. Tomorrow marks the 4 year anniversary of my miscarriage. I'm heartbroken but healing. On my walk the other day, as I contemplated all of this, a bluebird landed on a nearby mailbox, and didn't move. Bluebirds are the symbol of my lost child. A symbol now of hope...and to go on. To keep moving. I'm down. I'm not leaving my house much. I'm setting tiny goals and if I don't meet them, I set a new goal. I'm mindful of my fragility. This, too, shall pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later. LS

Disappointment

What a huge disappointment. A ministry that has been a resource just announced partnership with someone who will keep them out of our home from now on. The Bible is clear regarding divorce - God hates it. When someone is adulterous, the victim can move on. There will still be pain and destruction for years because of the adulterer. I go to a church where divorced men cannot be deacons. I understand, but it is sad that the one who didn't cause the divorce suffers from effects that they didn't want. Now this group has the one that committed adultery, and married their lover, in a leadership position. God forgives. Serve the Lord. I believe that you have to realize the magnitude of your actions....and they last a lifetime. LS